---
section: Library
booktitle: "The Sun Behind the Sun Behind the Sun"
booktype: "Diaries"
bookcode: "SUNSUN"
dategiven: "14 January 1978 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #14"
chaptertitle: "None"
acode: "7801145"
shorttitle: "SUNSUN14"
audio: "No"
video: "No"
esttime: ""
displaytitle: "The Sun Behind the Sun Behind the Sun: Chapter #14"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
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[A sannyasin says: I feel very vulnerable and my emotions keep changing. I feel happy and then it changes and I feel sad. I don't know how I'm going to cope when I get to the West.]


When you become more sensitive, naturally you can either be made very happy by small things or you can be made very unhappy by small things; people can hurt you. That's why millions of people have decided not to be sensitive. They have grown thick skins around themselves just to avoid having anybody hurt them. But it is at great cost. Nobody can hurt them but nobody can make them happy either. The enemy cannot enter but the friend cannot either.


When you start becoming open, both things become available: sometimes it will be cloudy and sometimes there will be sun. But if you remain closed in your cave then there is no cloud and no sun either. But then you live in a stale air, you live death, you live in your grave. It is good to come out, to dance with the sun, and yes, sometimes to feel sad with the clouds too -- and sometimes it will be very windy. All things are possible, when you come out all things are possible, and one of the things is that people can hurt you... but that is only one of the things.


And don't think about it too much otherwise you will become closed again. There are millions of things; think of those things too. You will be more happy, you will be more loving, you will be more available, people will be more available to you, you will be able to laugh, you will be able to celebrate. Think of a thousand and one things. Why only one thing? Why choose one? That is masochistic. Why choose only one thing? -- that people will hurt you.


When you go outside the room, why think only of infections and diseases that can be caught by you? Why not think of the sun and the birds and the trees; the whole universe is there. You don't think of the moon and the stars you think only of infections. Then you become afraid out of all proportion. Yes, infections are there. When you go outside, you go outside; the sun will give its vitamins and the wind may bring some infections. Everything is possible, but that's what life is.


If you think of the whole, of the whole plenitude, of the whole magnitude, of all the dimensions, then being hurt is a very small thing, not worth worrying about. And everybody is not sitting there waiting only to hurt you; people have other things to do, mm? They are not just waiting, the whole of england is not waiting for [you to come, to jump upon you and to start hurting you. They themselves are very afraid people; they are hiding in their caves. They are also afraid, afraid of you -- you may hurt them. So nobody comes out of his cell. But what is the point of living? It is pointless; you have committed suicide.


Yes, when you go trekking in the mountains sometimes you may fall, sometimes you may get hurt sometimes you will be very tired and sometimes there is danger to life too. But still, the beauty of the mountains and climbing higher and higher and reaching to new heights has its own benediction.


All other things are not worth being concerned about. And in fact, going up a mountain is beautiful only because death is very close by. You can slip, you can be lost, you can fall into an abyss and you will be no more. Because of that you become absolutely alert; each step is risky. I will not say, 'Don't go to the mountains.' I will say, 'Go! Choose the highest mountain possible. Take risks, live dangerously!'


But the fear is right. I cannot say that the fear is not right. It is just out of all proportion, you are magnifying it. It is as if there is a rat in your room and you only think of the rat and of nothing else. Your lover is there, your children are there, your treasures, your beautiful paintings on the wall, the coziness, the snugness and all is there, and you only think of one rat. You become too worked up. The rat is there but the rat is so tiny. Just because of the rat you won't go into the room.


Accept it! The fear is true; I cannot say it is not true. You can be hurt more than you were ever before, but this is a good indication that you are more alive, hence you can be hurt more. Can you hurt a dead man? You can't hurt a corpse. There is nobody to hurt; all is dead. You can hurt a child more than an old man because a child is more vulnerable. He is just like a rose flower: you can crush him; he is delicate, vulnerable. But have you watched a strange phenomenon? -- just seeing a child, everybody feels like protecting him. Nobody wants to hurt a child; even the murderers feel compassion for a child.


The very vulnerability, the very delicateness of the child creates some desire to protect. that's my experience: the more vulnerable you become, the more there is the possibility of being hurt. But the other possibility also opens that people will be more and more protective towards you. Out of nowhere you will find people turning into friends, protecting you... strangers suddenly risking themselves for you, for your sake. Just your vulnerability, your openness, your softness, your childlikeness creates something in them. They would like to cover you up and protect you. See that too!


And the second thing is also true: people will not be able to understand you. But that's a great challenge! Make them understand you, help them understand you. Explain it; they need it. Just seeing you, watching you, communicating with you a few may be turned on. Why be worried that they will not understand? That is a challenge; open your heart about what is happening to you. It is a good opportunity to make contact with them, to commune with them, to have a dialogue. I am not saying that all will understand, but a few will, and those few are the salt of the earth. The greater mass consists of stupidity, stubborness, dullness, unintelligence; who bothers about it?


When a poet writes a poem, he does not bother about how many people will understand it. And how many can understand e.e. cummings or a poet of that quality? How many can understand Ezra Pound? Only a rare few, but for those who can understand, Pound opens a totally new vision, a new vista; a new perspective is given.


The greater truth you have, the fewer people will understand it; the lesser truth you have, the more people will understand it. And if you want everybody to understand you, you will have to drop the idea of truth completely; then you have to be a liar; then only can a lie be understood. Lies everybody can understand because it needs no intelligence to understand them. Everybody is skillful enough in lying, so when you speak a lie everybody will understand. But just for that will you speak a lie?


And what is the point of being understood by foolish people? They will only think that you are a leader of those fools, that's all. It is better to be understood by one who knows, by one who is wise, by one who is alert, aware, conscious, than to be understood by millions.


I am not creating my sannyasins to be like politicians; they will not be understood. That's why the politicians have to go on lying, continuously lying, because they need to be understood by everybody. They have to come down to everybody's level, and that is the last thing; below that there is nothing. So they have come to the lowest point.


Never be concerned that everybody should understand you, otherwise you will have to compromise; you will never be able to live your life truly. If somebody understands, good; make every effort to help him understand but never compromise. Remain where you are; if they can understand they have to come to you, not that you have to go to them. Create the challenge so it becomes haunting in their minds that they have to understand, 'What has happened to this woman?' Let them start coming upwards towards you, let them grow. Only when they grow will they understand, but if a few people can understand, that's enough.


Live for those chosen few and then there is joy in life. Don't be too worried about the masses; they have not understood, they are not going to understand. But that is their freedom: if they don't want to understand why should we force them to? Leave them to themselves.


[A sannyasin says: I feel it's very easy for me to block the sexual energy coming up. I don't know if you can say something about it.
Osho gives him an 'energy darshan']


No need to be concerned about it. Those blocks will disappear; the energy is powerful enough. The problem arises only when the block is powerful and the energy is just very tiny. But the energy is more powerful and the block is tiny. You need not be worried; the flood of energy will take those blocks away. Just forget about the blocks. Your thinking about them is a constant nourishment for them. Simply forget about it. They will go because the energy is so much it will take them away on its own; you need not do anything. Simply enjoy energy, celebrate energy.


Energy is god, in whatsoever form it comes -- in sex, in love, in meditation. Whatsoever form it takes, it is divine. Be in great reverence for it. Whenever you feel energy in you, feel that god is close by, feel god is very very close by. You are in the temple; behave that way. Feel great trust, prayer, thankfulness, and the energy will take its own course. Your help will be a hindrance. If you do something, that very doing will help the block, not the energy. Because energy cannot be helped by doing; energy can only be helped by let-go. But things are perfectly as they should be.


[The sannyasin says: I feel a little guilty about leaving totally and coming back forever... I have brothers and parents and an old girlfriend who is also very close to me.]


Then for one or two years continue going and coming and by and by they will get accustomed to the idea.


Don't be in a hurry: just come whenever you can, then go again, come again. By and by stop going back. That will be okay; do it slowly. And before you decide to be here forever, turn them all into sannyasins! (laughter) Then there will be no problem. If they want they can come too. Help them first. Good!.


[A sannyasin says: You told me to do Kundalini in the West and the first time I did it again I was about to explode. I got frightened, so I stopped.]


Yes, it is to help you explode. There was no need to be frightened. I am with you; you could have gone as far as you were able. Start it here again. Start meditating and do a few groups; they will open you up, mm?


[The sannyasin adds: I am so afraid when all these things start happening. Many times when I wake up I have my hands around my throat...
Osho checks her energy.]


Nothing to be worried about. You cannot kill yourself in your sleep, so you can drop that fear; there is nothing. Your hands simply move to your neck, not because you want to kill yourself but because your energy is stuck there at the throat. It needs expression. It is stuck there so in sleep your hands move to that point because it gathers there too much, becomes heavy. In unconsciousness your hands go there, but it has nothing to do with committing suicide or killing yourself or suffocating yourself. It has nothing to do with that; it is just your energy is there too much in the throat centre. If you can dance, sing, enjoy and express it, it will disappear. You are not living as intensely as you should be. But this time things will happen; I will make them happen. Just don't start fighting with me!


[A sannyasin says: Last year I did the Vipassana group and during it I felt that I was pregnant, but it was not true.]


It can happen sometimes. You are pregnant with god! It is not ordinary pregnancy and nine months are not enough to complete it...


Yes, it will take many lives but it will happen. But sometimes that idea can get into the head and once the idea gets into you, you will feel that your stomach is heavy and the belly is becoming bigger. You will start feeling all the symptoms of pregnancy... and it is all bogus -- just air, hot air and nothing else! But the idea can take root.


The idea that one is getting pregnant with the divine in itself is very significant. It has happened even sometimes to men, who ordinarily don't think of becoming pregnant. But it is good. Zazen may give you the idea again.... So watch it!


[The shraddha group is present at darshan. One participant says she has been feeling closed sexually and during the group: I came to something sexual connected with my father. I don't really see what it is but I feel he has hypnotised me so that I don't remember it and I can't tell anybody. Somehow I feel that I'm still in this hypnosis.
Osho gives her an 'energy darshan']


Your feeling is right; it has something to do with your father... not that he has hypnotised you, but you are hypnotised, and these are two different things. He has not done anything but you have become hypnotised.


Many children become hypnotised. Many girls become father-fixated, and once a girl is father-fixated this will happen: whenever she is in love with a man, trouble will arise because every man will remind her of her father, and how can you make love to your father? You close up immediately; it is automatic. Not that you try to do anything; you cannot do anything. It is almost like a mechanism: the moment you start making love to man you will close up, because every man will remind you of your father.


Many women cannot feel orgasm because of father-fixation and many men cannot love a woman because of mother-fixation. Whenever they approach a woman, fear arises, guilt arises, because every woman is a mother; how can you make love to your mother? If you make love it is half-hearted, guilt-ridden; if you don't make love you are repressed. Both the ways you suffer.


But it is coming to your consciousness. You are on the right track; just wait. Do these three groups and then tell me again, remind me again. It is going, it will go. Once you have become alert about what it is, it will become more and more definite. One day it will be so absolutely clear to you that you can drop it; only in clarity can it be dropped. Knowledge is liberating. The first glimpse has come to you. You are on the right track, the search has started moving in the right direction. Somewhere you will find your father.


And remember, your father has not done anything to you; it is just that you became too much impressed by your father. Every girl does; every man carries the idea of the mother. It is natural, it is very natural. But we will destroy it; don't be worried. How long will you be here?
			

> [!info]
> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
>