---
section: Library
booktitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am"
booktype: "Diaries"
bookcode: "THUNK"
dategiven: "22 October 1980 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #22"
chaptertitle: "None"
acode: "8010225"
shorttitle: "THUNK22"
audio: "No"
video: "No"
esttime: ""
displaytitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am: Chapter #22"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
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> [!info]
> Note
>
[NOTE: This is an unedited tape transcript of an unpublished darshan diary, which has been scanned and cleaned up. It is for reference purposes only.]


(Osho adds Deva to Ananda's name and explains that bliss is one of those things which is of the beyond.)


Love, awareness -- these are also of the same category. All these values can become doors to god because if you can catch hold of one ray of light you can reach the very source of it, you can use it as a bridge. And bliss is one of the easiest. Love is the most difficult because it requires the other. Things become complicated. Bliss is absolutely your own. You are not dependent on anybody else, you just have to choose to be blissful. It is basically your choice. They are not caused by anything outside you -- neither bliss nor misery. It is your choice.


There are people who are always choosing misery, and in the same situation there are people who will choose the bliss part. It is the same world in which you and I live. It is the same world in which Judas lived and Jesus lived, but from the same world they chose very different lives.


Jesus chose a life of bliss. Even in his crucifixion there was immense blissfulness. Judas chose the life of misery; even being with a Jesus he remained miserable. And he committed suicide the day after the crucifixion. That is the ultimate result of choosing misery; suicide is its logical end. And the logical end of bliss is resurrection. On the path of bliss even death becomes the beginning of a new life, of the eternal life.


My sannyasins have to be choosers of bliss. In spite of all try to find in every situation what is blissful. And there is not a single situation in which you cannot find bliss.


(Osho reveals just why man prefers to live in lies and can't tolerate truth. )


False things are always cheap. You can always purchase a mask for your face, a beautiful mask. To transform your face into a beautiful face is an arduous journey. It needs great transformation in your being because your eyes will show that which is within you, your face will radiate your inner reality.


Unless your whole being is transformed you cannot have real beauty. Authentic grace is possible only when your innermost core becomes illumined, when it becomes a light unto itself. Then certainly from your eyes, from your face, from your hands, from all your actions and gestures, your inner reality is conveyed. But that needs great work.


To purchase a false mask is very simple. You can purchase a mask and look like Buddha or Jesus or Krishna. And you can learn how to act like somebody else. Acting is not a difficult thing. To be a real Christ is one thing, to act as Christ is another. Millions of Christians are doing that act -- particularly the pope, the bishops, the priests. In their own way they are just acting.


Just a few months ago, the pope enacted the whole scene of Jesus' crucifixion. He carried a small golden cross on his shoulders -- a golden cross! Thousands of people followed him to a small hillock by the side of the Vatican, and there he washed the feet of a poor man who had already been cleaned and bathed and prepared for the whole scene. And the pope kissed his feet. This is all an act. And then he came back -- no crucifixion! (laughter) At least they should have crucified him -- then the whole act would have been done. The real thing was left out. They should have crucified him and then waited for three days to see whether he resurrected or not.


Acting is so cheap, that's why millions of people have chosen the easier course, the short-cut. But once you choose a lie you will have to choose a thousand other lies to support it, and you will become afraid of truth because a single truth will destroy the whole edifice of your falsity, of your pseudo-ness.


It is because of this that the Jews had to crucify Jesus. He was destroying their traditional lies. Socrates was poisoned for the simple reason that he started talking about the truth, he started seducing people into enquiring what the truth is and not being blind followers, not being believers but enquirers. And that was a danger to the whole establishment. The establishment immediately took action. This man had to be stopped. If he did not listen then he would have to be killed.


Why have people been so much against truth? Because of their investment in the lies. But the trouble with lies is that although they are cheap, simple, easily available... You can find all kinds of lies in the churches, in the mosques , in the temples, in the gurudwaras, everywhere. You can choose. They come in all shapes and sizes; whatsoever fits you, you can choose that kind of belief. But you will remain miserable. That is the real price you are paying. On the surface they look cheap but ultimately you will come to realise one day that your whole life has been wasted, your whole soul has been destroyed -- and you have done it. It is a suicidal act, and your whole life will be nothing but a long tragedy, a sequence of miseries, from one misery to another. Of course one will be always hoping that something good is going to happen but it never happens. Lies can never deliver the goods; only truth can bring bliss to you, only truth can bring celebration to your life, only truth can bring spring.


I have chosen for my sannyasins the orange colour. In India it is the colour of spring -- when all the trees burst forth in red colours. They dance, they sing, suddenly their whole being is rejoicing. A tree flowers only out of overflowing energy. It is so overflooded with joy it has to share it with the existence. Flowers represent bliss, celebration, spring, youth, resurrection.


Remember, to be initiated into sannyas means to be initiated into truth. I don't ask my sannyasins to renounce the world; I certainly ask you to renounce all lies, falsehoods, hypocrisies -- that's enough. If you renounce all lies your whole past is renounced. You will be reborn; in that renunciation is a rebirth. And when life is fresh and clean of all the junk of the past you can again have the same wondering eyes of a child, the same innocence. And it is innocence that can have a communion with the ultimate -- not knowledge but innocence.

(Rumi is the name of a Sufi mystic, Osho tells the third initiate.)


Rumi does not mean anything, it is a name of a place; because he came from Rum he was called Rumi. His message is love, and he belongs to the highest categories of the Buddhas. He was the man who inverted a new method of meditation, whirling.


There have been hundreds of devices; Rumi has also contributed one special device. He became enlightened not by sitting silently like a Buddha, he became enlightened by dancing. And his dance is a special and of dance. You turn round and round, as if you are just a wheel moving faster and faster; you are both the axle and the wheel. Small children enjoy it very much. Almost all over the world parents have to stop their children from doing it because they are afraid they may get dizzy, but they don't know that the children are enjoying something very special.


When a small child goes on whirling he loses the sense of being a body, he starts hovering above his body, he can see his own body turning -- and that is the miracle of the method. But we are stopped by our parents very early.


Jalaluddin introduced that method. He himself became enlightened by thirty-six hours of continuous whirling; day in, day out he went on and on. He was riding on a cloud, he could not stop till he fell down. But when he opened his eyes and got up he was a totally new man, the old was gone. People had gathered to watch him, thousands of people -- he was a well-known mystic. What had happened to him? dad he gone crazy or something. And he had told his disciples that he should not be disturbed.


For thirty-six hours he danced and danced. The dancer disappeared in the dance, there was only dance and no dancer -- the ego died. And he could see his own body from the higher plane dancing somewhere on the earth. He became a watcher on the hill, the body was in the deep dark valley. And that's how he introduced the method to his disciples.


His message was love and dance. Love the whole existence so you can dance, and dance to abandon so that you can love.

(And then there was more about love-dance one can have with life.)


People are fighting with existence, that's why they create misery. Dance with it, sway with the wind, dance with the trees, whisper with the clouds, sing songs to the stars. Create a friendship. It is our existence. Don't remain alienated, don't remain a foreigner, don't remain an outsider; become part, part of this great dance that existence is. Create a harmonious relationship with everything that surrounds you. Say hello even to the rocks. And don't think that people will think you are crazy. If they do, let them think you are crazy. They don't know that if one really lovingly says hello to a rock, the rock responds.


If you hug a tree lovingly the hug is returned. The moment you start creating a friendship with existence you become a real sannyasin. To be at home in the world, to be rejoicingly part of this tremendous drama is to be a sannyasin. It is not renunciation of life, it is rejoicing in life, with life. It is a deep deep let-go, it is saying yes to all that is.


(Osho talked of the difference between faith and belief on the seventeenth of the month. Tonight he expanded on the subject.)


Faith is not belief. Many people misinterpret faith as belief. Religious people misinterpret it, anti-religious people misinterpret it; both are agreed on one thing, that faith means belief. Faith does not mean belief at all. Belief is of the head and faith is of the heart -- they belong to two different centres, they are really diametrically opposite.


Belief is a repression of doubt and faith is an expression of trust. They are as far from each other as two things can be. But priests played a trick. Because faith has been praised, and faith is worth praising, they played a trick upon the word; they made it mean belief and they go on telling people 'Believe, because the scriptures say if you don't believe you will never attain to god.' The scriptures certainly say if you don't have faith you will never attain to god, you will never know what bliss is, what truth is, what love is. But faith is not belief.


Belief means falsifying. There is doubt in you and you cover it up with a belief. It is as if you have a wound and you put a rose flower on it: it is not going to heal it but you can deceive others, they will not be able to see the wound. And the most dangerous thing is that you may be deceived by your flower yourself, you may forget about the wound and you will start believing that there is no wound at all -- look, the beautiful flower is there. Forgetting the wound is not going to heal it. And covering it is dangerous because it will go on increasing underneath the flower; it can become a canceric growth inside you.


That's what has happened to humanity: for thousands of years people have lived with doubt repressed by belief and now the doubt has grown so big that it is throwing all belief away, it is erupting everywhere. Now the whole humanity is in a state of doubt. Even those who pretend to believe know that that belief is only formal. It may be utilitarian, pragmatic, it is good for other reasons, not for religious reasons to go to church every sunday. It is a social affair, it gives you a good social status. People think you are religious, virtuous. People give you respect and your ego feels good with the respectability that comes through it. But now almost half the humanity has gone communist, atheistic, and the other half is only formally religious, there is no true religion. And the people who are responsible for this whole nonsense are the priests -- they deceived humanity.


I am against belief because belief is a repression of doubt. I am all for faith because faith is an enquiry, it is not belief. It is trust in existence, it is trust in oneself, it is trust in one's consciousness, it is trust in one's intelligence. If I am intelligent it is a simple conclusion that 'How can I be intelligent if the whole universe is unintelligent? I come from the universe, I am part of it; if I am intelligent that simply shows that the universe is intelligent.' It is not a question of belief, it is a simple enquiry, it is a simple logical process. There is no need to repress doubt.


Trusting one's intelligence, trusting one's enquiry, trusting even one's doubts -- that is faith. Because doubts are not bad. They are only question marks, and every question mark can lead you into enquiry, and every enquiry is good. If the enquiry proves that god is, it is good; if it proves that god is not, that too is good. Either way we will be discovering the truth. Whether god is or is not does not matter; whatsoever is the case has to be known.


Truth does not mean that god has to be. Truth simply means whatsoever is has to be discovered. In fact according to me, whatsoever is, is god. Even if there is no god then that universe without god is the truth.


Faith is enquiry into truth, and faith is courageous enough to go into every question without shrinking. It is not cowardly, beliefs are cowardly. With is courage. Only the courageous can go into the unknown, only the courageous can ask dangerous questions, only the courageous can dare the journey into the uncharted.


Faith is beautiful. And remember, the meaning of Joseph is faith. There is no such thing as increasing belief. Belief is a dead thing, it does not increase. It is a plastic thing, you impose things on it. It neither decreases nor increases; it is like a plastic flower.


But faith increases and goes on increasing. There is no end to it, it is an eternal pilgrimage. The more you go into it, the more it increases. It is a movement, a process. It is not a thing dead and complete, it is riverlike. It is not like a pond closed from everywhere, it is moving towards the ocean.


And to me it is significant that Joseph was the name of Jesus' father. A man like Jesus can be born only to a man like Joseph. I don't believe in the theory of his virgin mother. That is sheer nonsense. Joseph symbolises faith, simplicity, trust. A son like Jesus is possible only through such a man.


But somehow Christianity has been very unjust to Joseph. He has been completely ignored, not only ignored but insulted. The first insult is that they say that Jesus was born to a virgin mother. In fact it is an insult to Joseph, it is an insult to Mary, it is an insult to Jesus: he becomes a bastard. Who is this Holy Ghost? And if these ghosts go on playing tricks like this, can you call them holy? Then what is unholy? This Holy Ghost made poor Mary pregnant... and he is still part of the trinity. He should have been expelled -- he committed a crime!


But Joseph is the most ignored. Mary at least slowly slowly has been accepted but not much. Many times there have been efforts to make her part of the holy family; from three the family should consist of four. But Christian priests have not accepted that; a woman cannot be accepted in the holy trinity. They are all male, all three. It is the male chauvinistic attitude. But at least Mary has been worshipped for the simple reason that they could not deny that Jesus came out of her womb.


At that time test-tube babies were not available, otherwise I am certain Christians would have dropped Mary also; just as they dropped Joseph they would have dropped Mary. They would have tried saying that Jesus was a test-tube baby.


The whole idea is rooted in antagonism towards sex. Sex is unholy -- how can they accept a Joseph? But I accept Joseph absolutely. In fact without Joseph there would be no Jesus. We owe that much to Joseph. And his name is so symbolically meaningful that it is also a metaphor: a son like Jesus can only come out of a father like Joseph -- out of increasing faith not out of belief.


I teach faith because faith to me is another name of love. Belief is ugly, heady; faith is beautiful, of the heart. And the whole energy of a sannyasin has to shift from the head towards the heart. If we can bring the energy from the head to the heart the miracle has happened. From there a totally new life starts, a life of bliss, a life of dance and song and celebration.


(Doubts are not bad, Osho told the last sannyasin, but we have to go beyond them, he tells the next person.)


But repressing is not a way of surpassing. We have to pass through those doubts, we have to use those doubts as stepping stones.


The ordinary religions teach you to believe. Belief means the repression of your doubts. But repressed doubts will remain there, they will accumulate, and one day they will erupt like a volcano.


My approach is totally different. Don't repress doubts. Use them as enquiries, as triggering points, so that you can use them as stepping stones.


Truth is, so there is no need to be worried; doubts can be used beautifully to reach truth. In fact that's why nature gives you doubts, so that you can enquire. Only an idiot has no doubts; the more intelligent you are, the more doubts you have. But to live in doubts is to waste your life.


Use them creatively, go beyond them and only then can you feel fulfilment. When doubts disappear because truth has arrived it is not repression, it is freedom from doubt.
That's the meaning of your name -- let it become a meaning of your life too.


(To Atit Gyano Osho talks of the difference between wisdom and knowledge. The first part of the address is similar to what he has said earlier in the month; but then he adds:)


Knowledge demystifies existence because it gives you a false notion that you know everything -- and man knows nothing. Even our so-called great scientists know nothing. Whatsoever they know is very superficial. If you dig a little deeper you will find great ignorance. Nobody has yet seen the electrons, neutrons, positrons; nobody exactly knows what they are, nobody knows how they function, how they move. But the whole edifice of modern physics stands on this ignorance.


A sannyasin has to completely cut out all this rotten garbage and become clean, a clean slate, so that your innermost being can start giving you messages.


Living in the intellect is living in knowledge. The moment knowledge is dropped intuition flowers -- and that is the real revolution.


(Love gives you a little look at the timeless, the deathless Osho tells Prem Sanatano.)


That's why when people are in love they are absolutely fearless, as if death disappears, it becomes irrelevant. But our love is a very wavering phenomenon: one moment it is there, another moment it is gone, again death enters. Many times we have a glimpse but it remains a glimpse.


As a sannyasin you have to work hard to make that glimpse a reality to yourself, always available. And it is possible because love is our intrinsic nature. It is not something accidental, it is our very source. So if we work a little, if we dig inside our being we will find the eternal source. And once love is flowing in you for twenty-four hours a day, irrespective of situations, circumstances, you live in the world but you are no more part of it; you have become part of god, you have become part of eternity. All fear disappears. Then you know that birth and death don't make any difference. Only the body is born and the body dies, not you; you are never born and you never die.


The moment it becomes your realisation you are released from all bondage, from all misery, from all limitation, from all prisons. Suddenly you become as vast as the whole universe, you become oceanic. Just a dewdrop of love can increase and become a great ocean. But one has to work deliberately, consciously.


Our ordinary love is an instinctive phenomenon, unconscious; it has to be made a conscious process. And that is the whole work, the whole alchemy, of sannyas.

(Amrit Dhyana's special sadhana is to work on deathlessness.)


The body is going to die, the mind is going to die, the heart is going to stop, so don't waste your time in remaining identified with the body, the mind, the heart, with action, thought and feeling. Beyond these three there is something in you which is immortal -- that is consciousness, awareness. Meditate on that.


In the East we call the process neti-neti, neither this nor that, eliminating; eliminating all that is not eternal so that only that which is eternal remains. And then, remain absorbed in it for as long as possible, as many times as possible. Whenever you have time just remember 'I am not the body, not the mind, not the heart' and go on entering deeper, rejecting everything outer.


These are the three circles: the body -- the outermost -- then the mind, then the heart. And within these three concentric circles is the centre of your witnessing, your consciousness. Just remain relaxed in that centre -- that's what meditation is all about. And once you start entering that centre you have come home. Then life is a tremendous contentment. It is pure ecstasy, it is all light.

Prem Kundan


It is by passing through the fire of love that one becomes one's real self. Cowards are afraid of love as much as they are of death. It needs courage to go into love because it is a kind of death, in fact a deeper death than the ordinary death. Ordinary death only changes your body, your form, but not your substance. Ordinary death only changes your shadow, your personality, but not your essence.


Love changes your very being, it gives you a new birth. Hence the fear; hence many decide not move into love. They can find many excuses. They can say "Love is blind;" that is a rationalization of the cowardly mind. They can say "Love is animal;" that is again a rationalization of the so-called religious mind. They can even deny the reality of love; they can they it is all poetry, just a fiction created by some imaginative people.


Either the coward finds some rationalization, some excuse, or he finds some substitute. For example, sex can become a substitute for love, and by just going into sex one can think, "I am a great lover." Or people can find even more subtle substitutes. For example, somebody is greedy for money -- money has become his love object. And he is not aware that he has fallen in love with something absolutely false. Or power can become his love affair. But these are strategies of the mind to avoid.


Beware of all these strategies and take a jump into love. It is fire. It will burn you, it will destroy you. But it will also give you a new birth, a resurrection.
			

> [!info]
> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
>