---
section: Library
booktitle: "The Sun Behind the Sun Behind the Sun"
booktype: "Diaries"
bookcode: "SUNSUN"
dategiven: "13 January 1978 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #13"
chaptertitle: "None"
acode: "7801135"
shorttitle: "SUNSUN13"
audio: "No"
video: "No"
esttime: ""
displaytitle: "The Sun Behind the Sun Behind the Sun: Chapter #13"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
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[A sannyasin says: In the last group, leela, the leader told me that I have a lot of energy in my head and in my sexual centre, but there is no connection between the two. I have another question: I am too identified with my emotions.]


It is true: energy is there and the connection is not there. But the energy is trying to rise, it will make the connection; you need not think about it. It is not dormant; it is flowing, it is rising. It is trying on its own so if you do anything to connect it, it will be a disturbance.


There are things which happen only when you are unconscious of them. For example, if you eat food and then you start thinking about whether it is digesting or not, you will disturb the whole digestion. You will have either constipation or diarrhoea, but something or other will go wrong. If you start thinking about sleep --  whether you are going to fall asleep or not -- you cannot fall asleep; the very thinking will be the disturbance. There are things which happen on their own.


If the energy were not moving then I would have done something, but it is on the move. Forget about it, it is not a problem at all. It will reach on its own when the time is ripe. And it is always good for things to happen when they are needed; sometimes a premature connection can be very disturbing. Nature moves very wisely.


It can be forced. For example, you can start standing on your head, and then you will be taking the support of gravitation and the energy will naturally fall into the head. That's what so many foolish people have been doing down the ages. But that is an enforced connection and your mind may not be ready to absorb that much energy. The only way for the mind will be either to go mad or to become completely stupid. And that's what happens to so many people who go on standing on their heads: either they go berserk -- they cannot imbibe that much energy into their being -- or they become very very hard in the head, thick-skinned, so that they can protect their nervous system; they become stupid. It is very rare to find a yogi who is not stupid. Enforcement naturally brings that ugliness.


My whole approach is for spontaneity, for naturalness. The energy is moving. Go on meditating, loving people, dancing, singing, and one day, the contact. And then it will be a great moment, because meanwhile the mind will be getting ready, so it will not be premature.
And the second thing...


That is a by-product of the same problem. Because your sexual energy is not in contact with the head, it goes on pouring itself into the heart, so the heart becomes overflowing. Once it starts reaching to the head too, it will be balanced. These are the two wings, the heart and head. Your head is not getting enough and your heart is getting too much, hence you feel identified with the emotions. Nothing to be worried about. Once the contact happens you will simply see that the other problem has disappeared.


[A sannyasin asks about feeling depression, rejection and fear after breaking up in a relationship; and whether it has something to do with his childhood.]


[You are close to something very beautiful, Osho tells him, but you will have to pass through this agony; this fear has to be lived. If you escape from it you will miss the beautiful space that is just behind it. Nothing is wrong with fear; that too is part of growth. He goes on to say at the sannyasin needs to learn to accept the fear which he has been denying, rejecting. Fear is not painful, Osho says; pain arises because you reject it.]


If you hit a buddha's head with a stick he will have pain, in fact more than you can have because he will be more sensitive, he will be more fragile. But he will not have any suffering; he will accept it. He will say, 'This is so.' He will be with it, with no antagonistic attitude. He will see it, he will watch it but he will not for a single moment think that it should not be there, why is it there? It is there, so there is no question of why. A fact is a fact is a fact. By denying it you cannot make it disappear; by denying it you can only repress it. Then it will come again whenever it has an opportunity to bubble up.


Accept this fear, it is there, and don't go into reasons why it is there, because that too is again a trick of the mind to find some explanations so that one can feel at ease. That too, deep down, is a rejection, mm? -- because of the mother, because of the father, because of your childhood, because of the birth trauma. Somewhere you want to find some explanation. Once an explanation is given you are at ease; you say, 'Okay, I am not responsible.' But just by saying 'I am not responsible' you are not getting rid of it; you have only found an explanation for it. It is there; an explanation is not going to help so there is no need to look for the why. Western psychology is too why-obsessed; it goes on searching for 'Why?' The real point is not why; the real point is that it is.


Be there and let it be there, co-exist with no antagonism. This is what I mean by going through the night. And within one month you will be surprised that the problem is almost gone. Do these two groups so that if anything has remained somewhere in the unconscious it will surface.

[Another sannyasin says: I take things too seriously.]


Start laughing a little more. You just need a little more laughter, bring a little more laughter to your life. Don't think about seriousness, because thinking about seriousness will bring more seriousness. If you want to drop seriousness you will become more serious about it. Ignore it. Just do the opposite; start laughing a little more, smiling a little more. Create a sense of humour. And life is so full of opportunities to laugh. It is really a miracle how people manage to remain serious in such a ridiculous life. It is so absurd! And there is no need to prove it; you can go to the zoo or to parliament and you will find enough proofs. It is utterly absurd and everything is ridiculous. There is no reason and no rhyme, and things go on. It is a tale told by an idiot. Just start watching and it is everywhere. And then you will not be able to remain serious even if you want to. Whenever you feel it is too difficult you can go to [the tantra groupleader]; she will touch your navel and immediately it will start happening. It is very difficult for her to keep serious, that's why. You can go to her sometimes, mm? She has to sit here seriously, because I don't allow her laughter (the whole crowd roars). It is really difficult [for her]... but I have my own ways: when people don't laugh, I tell them to laugh; when they laugh, I tell them to be serious. Nothing to be worried about, mm? Good!


[A participant of the Tantra group says: I felt suicidal when I finished the group and I wanted to jump from the balcony... Before I took sannyas I had this feeling to die, but when I took sannyas it went away. Now it is there again and I feel so alone... And my heart is so full and crying; I want to cry all the time.]


It has always been there in your unconscious. You have a suicidal instinct. Tantra brought it up; it simply forced your unconscious to release its secret. So suddenly you were in the grip of your suicidal instinct and you wanted to destroy yourself.


You have something against sex too; sex is synonymous with life. But the culture, the civilisation, the church, all go on condemning sex, not knowing that they are helping people's suicidal instinct. Women become victims of that conditioning more because their sexuality is passive. It is very difficult to convince a man that sex is wrong. Even if he is convinced, he goes on feeling that aggressive energy. It is very easy for a woman to be convinced that sex is wrong because it is a passive energy. And when sex is contaminated, poisoned, then you have nothing left to live for; then why live? For what?


Sex is the basic joy; all other joys are secondary. You can watch it: if you are interested in sex, you will be interested in beautiful clothes, you will be interested in tasty food. You will be interested in a beautiful house, you will be interested in a beautiful car, you will be interested in people. You will be interested in a thousand and one things if you are interested in sex. The advertisers know it perfectly well; that's why even with a car advertisement they have to put a naked woman. They make it clear; that car is desired only when you desire a woman, otherwise who bothers about a car?


People desire a thousand and one things because of one basic desire; that is sex. Once sex is poisoned, you are against it, then your whole life loses meaning. One feels like committing suicide; why go on living? For what? You don't know anything else other than sex. There are things but you don't know them and those things can be known only if you go through sex. Then god can be known. One day, sex disappears and one starts living for god, in god, as god. But that can happen only if you have gone through sex.


Sex is a training ground; reject it and your whole life is cut from the roots. Because of that rejection the second thing continues in your mind, that all love affairs are only on the periphery. What is wrong if they are on the periphery? That too is part of your inner condemnation. You want to say that if they are on the periphery, then why bother? But anything that is on the periphery can reach the centre. You will have to allow it to reach the centre; you don't allow.


You say you feel that you are standing behind. You are forcing yourself to stand behind. You don't come into the involvement of the moment, you go on holding yourself. The man may be making love to you; you are simply watching, you are not making love. And then it looks very stupid. The man looks stupid; what is he doing and for what? You are standing behind as a witness. Then of course nothing will touch the centre and you will see that things only reach to a certain point. Then there is no point in it; you remain outside of it, you remain uninvolved.


Love can penetrate to the very core but you have to get involved in it; you have to be madly into it. You are not to be a witness, a spectator; you have to become a participant. You have to be wildly in it. You must be remaining very cold, unaffected, as if you are doing some favour to the man. That poor  man is still suffering from sex and you are just obliging him as a gesture of kindness.... Many women are doing that stupidity.


That's why women always say, 'He made love to me'; they never say, 'I made love to him.' Why? Why is he always making love to you? You are both making love to each other, but women go on saying, 'He made love to me, he wants to make love to me.' You are just there, like a thing; he is the doer. And all women deep down think that men are foolish and stupid. How ridiculous they look while they make love! That's why women close their eyes, not to see this whole nonsense! (much laughter) They are just waiting there (Osho leans back, closes his eyes): 'Ram, ram, ram... hare krishna, hare ram'... Soon it will be finished and they will be... You are not getting involved in it and without involvement no love can penetrate to the centre and then you will feel unfulfilled.


Rather than committing suicide, jump into love. Rather than jumping from the balcony, jump from your ego! That is your balcony; from there jump into love and go wild and shout and shriek, and... make the man afraid! (laughter) Try it: tonight make the man afraid!...
You simply go into it deeply! You make love to the man!


He will be afraid because of your coldness. He will be afraid because you are aloof, he will be afraid because you are standing there like a policeman, that's why! People are afraid of policemen (much laughter), and when you have a policewoman, of course, even more! (more laughter)


You just go into it like a child, relish the joy of it, and you will not think of committing suicide. Why? There is no point. Death is coming on its own; why be in a hurry? You cannot avoid death; it will be coming. Let it come naturally. And meanwhile, make as much of this life as i you can.


[Another sannyasin says: For two days after doing the gourishankar meditation I came into a space I don't know, and I came in contact with so much fear.... I'd like to stay here but sometimes after this experience I become so frightened.]


Don't be worried. That experience has to be accepted. It is not fear; you are misinterpreting it. It looks like fear because you don't know any other word to label it with. It is not fear. It is just the unknown opening itself to you, and it looks like fear. It looks as if we will disappear into this abyss, as if this abyss will take us to some place from where we will not be able to come back. So the mind interprets it as fear. But the mind is always unwilling to go into the unknown, and meditation only starts with the unknown.


Because you have been happy and joyful you have come close to that point where meditation can start. It must have happened in gourishankar that suddenly the sky opened, unbounded, infinite. One feels so small, hence the fear. One feels so lost, hence the fear and the fear that maybe this is death. It is a kind of death, the death of the ego.


Go into it, and whenever it comes again just remember me and go into it. That's my whole purpose of being here: to push you into that abyss. Once you have entered into it, all fear will disappear. It is not fear. You just need the taste of it and then you will hanker for it again and again and again. Just one step into it and you will never look back!


[Someone tells Osho he does not enjoy life. Osho says: Tell me the things that you enjoy. And he replies: sleeping, music, dance and eating.]

That's great. I think that is enough -- four! These four things are all!


You are not a workaholic, so that's perfectly good. You are a born lazy man, so it is good! Enjoy, and don't fight with your laziness.


The problem arises because we start going against our own grain; then the problem, then you feel tired. If you are not enjoying anything, stop! That simply says that your nature is not fulfilled there.
If you enjoy lying on the bed it is a great spiritual activity.


Then dance and eat and sing! Do things that you enjoy. It is your life; it is nobody else's life. Play on the guitar, play the flute, listen to music, create music. Just choose things that you like. There is nobody else to decide for you. And that's where you are creating the problem: you are listening to others' opinions. If they say that you are lazy, say 'So what? I am lazy and you are not. So enjoy your thing and I will enjoy mine. I am not going to tell you to sleep for twelve hours. You will be in trouble if you can sleep only six hours and you try to sleep twelve. Don't tell me!'


Don't listen to anybody. And remember that whatsoever you enjoy, enjoy it and accept its consequences, because there will be consequences. You cannot become a very rich man. If you enjoy sleeping you cannot become a very rich man; only people suffering from insomnia can become rich. What should those do who cannot enjoy sleep? They count money and calculate and plan and... You will not be a rich man. You cannot become a politician, because much work is needed. One has to rush from this place to that continuously, always hurrying, reaching nowhere and always going, always on the go. You will not be a politician, you will not be a rich man. But you will be rich if you can enjoy the things that you like.


My approach is to listen to your being, to your nature. That is your destiny; nothing else is important. Accept yourself in totality, don't condemn. What is wrong in it? But because we have ideas from others, we go on comparing. Somebody is working eight hours and earning money and a name and fame and his bank balance is growing and growing, and you are asleep.


I myself enjoy sleep. In my university days I enjoyed it so much that my teachers were always afraid about whether I would make it to the examination or not. One of my professors was so concerned that whenever there was an examination he would come to pick me up. Only when he had left me in an examination would he be at ease; now I couldn't escape.


But if you enjoy sleep, it is far better than any examination, any education. Just accept the consequence of it, then there is no problem. Don't hanker for things which only other people who are not lazy can get; then problems arise. You want all that workaholics are getting but you are lazy and you are not getting them. Then you are worried, you are pulled apart. That tension will be very destructive.


Relax. If you can work two hours, good; three hours, good. A man does not need much. And everybody is capable of earning that much which is needed -- food, clothes, shelter. Palaces you will not be able to make.


This is my basic formula: accept and love it and you will not feel tired. You will be more full of energy than anybody; you will be overflowing with energy. Continue meditating; meditation will change things.
			

> [!info]
> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
>