---
section: Library
booktitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am"
booktype: "Diaries"
bookcode: "THUNK"
dategiven: "01 October 1980 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #1"
chaptertitle: "None"
acode: "8010015"
shorttitle: "THUNK01"
audio: "No"
video: "No"
esttime: ""
displaytitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am: Chapter #1"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
<!--This file is automatically generated. Do not edit!-->
> [!info]
> Note
>
[NOTE: This is an unedited tape transcript of an unpublished darshan diary, which has been scanned and cleaned up. It is for reference purposes only.]


Prem Jan. Prem means love. Jan is a form of Hebrew, John. John the most beloved disciple of Jesus, hence his name has become a symbol of disciplehood.


Love is the most essential quality, the fundamental quality, without which nobody can be a disciple It is easy to be a student -- it needs no love, it needs only logic -- because the communication between the teacher and the student is from head to head. It is verbal, intellectual, logical. The teacher simply imparts information and the student accumulates it in his memory. There is no question of love. Love goes not arise between the teacher and the student, hence the relationship is impersonal; it is not a relationship at all. It is very formal.


But to be a disciple is totally different. It is not something formal. It is a commitment, it is involvement. It is becoming part of the master. It needs not communication from head to head but a communion from heart to heart.


The verbal part is not that important. The non-verbal part is far more essential, because the master is not a teacher, just as the disciple is not a student. The master has no information to impart to you, he has something far more valuable: he wants to impart a transformation to your being. It is not a question of accumulating something in your memory, it is a question of a dying and being reborn.


The disciple disappears into the master, dies in a way; leaves the old identity, forgets all about his past and renews himself totally. It is a new beginning, a new birth. And without love it is not possible.


Only the miracle of love can make it possible, otherwise it is impossible. Being a disciple means falling in deep love without any motive, for no ulterior end because love is not a means to any end; it is an end unto itself.


Once love has started flowing then the master can trigger a process in you which can bring light, which . can bring bliss, which can bring truth, which ultimately can bring god. It is a tremendous journey.

Prem Vinamro. Prem means love. Vinamro means egolessness.


Love is possible only in the climate of egolessness. With the ego love cannot grow. Ego is like a rock and love is like a rose flower: if you put a rock on the rose bush there is no possibility of its growing, no possibility of roses ever flowering.


The ego can do everything else. It can make you famous, it can make you a great scholar, very knowledgeable, it can fulfil all kinds of ambition for power, prestige, money. But it cannot do one thing which is the most significant in life: it cannot help you to grow in love. And without love all else is futile because without love you are dead. Love is life, the very secret of life.


Without love one starts shrinking and dying. Without it there is no significance at all. Without love why should one live at all? -- because there is no meaning. One can drag but dragging is not living. One can vegetate but that is not life. One can survive but one cannot reach the peaks of joy.


Love opens the doors to the divine, but one condition has to be fulfilled the ego has to be dropped. And it can be dropped because it is a very false phenomenon, it is our invention.


We come without egos. Ego is not a natural phenomenon, it is produced by society, by the church, by the educational system. It is a pseudo reality, but it is supported from every direction. The parents support it, everybody supports it, so naturally the child starts believing in it. It is a belief, it is a kind of auto-hypnosis. Otherwise there is no ego.


When one becomes absolutely silent in meditation one finds that the ego does not exist at all and it has never existed from the very beginning. It was just an idea implanted in you by society.


Society needs it because society is ambitious. Without an ego nobody would be ambitious. Then where would politics go? Then where would they find warriors to fight, to kill, to murder And to be murdered? Where would they find foolish people waste their whole life accumulating money. Where are they going to find all kinds of stupidities without the ego?


This whole society, this establishment, depends on the ego. And my work here is to help you see that ego is non-existential. Don't cling to it and don't feed it any more. That's what sannyas is all about, stopping feeding the ego. And then it dies of its own accord, it withers away; it does not even leave a trace behind. And that is the state of humbleness.


When Jesus says blessed are the meek for theirs is the kingdom of god, by meek he means the egoless. Not the so-called humble people, because the humble person still has an ego. Now it is upside-down but the ego is there standing on its head, doing sirshasan a headstand.


The humble person is not egoless; the ego has come in from the backdoor. He threw it out from the front door but it has come in from the backdoor. Now he brags about his humanity, his humbleness and you can see in his eyes, on his nose, that the ego is there. Now he wants to be the most humble person in the world, the greatest humble person in the world -- again the same competition, again the same ambition.


By meek Jesus means the egoless, not the humble -- because the egoless is neither an egoist nor humble. He cannot be an egoist because there is no ego and he cannot be humble either, because without ego how can you claim humbleness? He simply knows that ego is non-existential and there the chapter is closed. It does not create a new kind of ego, a subtle kind of ego. And that is the meaning of your name egolessness.


If one can do this simple process of finding that there is no ego at all, then love bursts forth as if suddenly spring has come and all the trees are blooming and birds and singing, and life becomes a celebration.

Anand Panthen: a traveller of bliss.


Sannyas is a journey from misery to bliss. We are living in misery. Sometimes it is less, sometimes it is more; when it is less you don't feel it so much but the difference is only of degree. You are never really blissful and the moments that you call moments of happiness are only of less misery, less misery than your usual dose -- diluted, not so painful. In comparison it looks like happiness but it is only less misery.


Watch and you will find what I am saying -- because I don't believe in theories, I believe only in facts and whatsoever I say is simply factual. Just watch your moments of happiness and your moments of misery and see: is there any qualitative difference between the two or only a difference of quantity? If it is only of quantity it is not a difference that makes a difference.


Only a qualitative difference is a difference that makes a difference, but that qualitative difference is possible only if you start dismantling the roots of your misery.


People only go on changing symptoms. You are miserable with one woman or with one man; you change. And you completely forget that you were very happy with this woman. You have completely forgotten the honeymoon days and again you will do the same foolish thing with some other woman again the same honeymoon and the same excitement and again the same depression, the same boredom.


You can go on changing the woman again and again but it will be just the same routine, the same vicious circle.


If you really want to change your misery you have to go to the root cause. The root cause is that you don't know what love is, so how can you be a lover? How can you share love when you don't know what it is? The root cause is that you are not blissful so when you relate with somebody, in the beginning you manage to act blissfully, but how long can you act? As things settle you start coming back to your normal self because one cannot live continuously acting. Those honeymoon days when you are smiling, when there are songs on your lips, are just days of acting but soon they disappear, you come back to your natural and normal pace. One has to, otherwise it is very tiring; one cannot go on putting on a face for long.


And the same is true about the woman you are in love with, she also settles. And then both are miserable persons; then the reality suddenly is there and has to be encountered. And remember, two miserable persons together do not only double the misery, they multiply it. And then everybody throws the responsibility on the other but the responsibility is basically one's self.


First we should find the root causes of our misery and destroy them, burn them. Before you start growing roses you have to pull out all the weeds, you have to prepare the ground, remove all the rocks.


One should go deep into the causes of misery -- and they are not many. Basically the main root is ego and then others are offshoots. A man with ego is bound to remain miserable because ego can never be fulfilled, its thirst is unquenchable. And because it can never be fulfilled it always brings frustration. And that frustration accumulates and becomes your misery. It becomes mountainous. It destroys all joy, all love, all truth. You simply become a black hole.


As I see people they are black holes moving around in the world searching for other black holes. And just think of the calamity when two black holes meet -- and they call it marriage, love. There are simply two black holes meeting, and there is nothing else, nothing to share, nothing to give. And everybody wants to suck the other, to get as much as possible. Both are beggars.


First destroy the root of misery, the ego, and its offshoots -- jealousy, possessiveness, the desire to dominate -- and then you will be surprised that bliss has not to be achieved; it is your intrinsic nature. Once misery is removed it is as if clouds have disappeared and the sun starts shining forth. And when you are blissful your life is a pilgrimage. It is no ordinary journey, it is sacred. Then each step is towards god.


A blissful person cannot go anywhere else other than to god. He cannot go astray, it is impossible to go astray. If he has fulfilled one thing, if he has allowed his blissful nature to be expressed, then there is no problem.


My sannyasins have to be pilgrims of bliss: dancing, singing, rejoicing. And then god is not far away. You need not bother about god; it comes in its own course, naturally. You need not even Reek and search.


(Dhyanprem means meditation and love, and they are key words, worth remembering, Osho says.)


Meditation means the art of being alone. And love means the art of being with people, the art of being together. But meditation comes first.


First one has to learn to be blissfully alone. If you are blissful in your aloneness you can be blissful in togetherness. If you are not blissful with yourself how can you be blissful with anybody else in the world? It is impossible, it is against the law of life. But that's what millions of people are trying to do, just trying to do the impossible, and then there is misery, frustration, failure, despair, anguish.


Start with meditation and then move into love. First be blissful independently of others, so you need not ask that they should make you blissful; you are already blissful. And once you are not dependent on others you are never possessive. It is dependency that creates possessiveness, and possessiveness is poison to love.


Only a non-possessive consciousness can be loving. But to be non-possessive you have to fulfil the first requirement be blissful with yourself, at ease, at home. Then if somebody is there and you happen to be with somebody you can share your joy. Then it is a sharing, not a begging. And love is beautiful when it is a sharing, then it is a sheer gift. And the joy of giving is the greatest joy in life.      -- How long will you be here? (Haridas translates)      -- She doesn't know.


- Be here as long as possible. Germans ordinarily don't leave the place! (laughter) Good!

Antar Gyano. Antar means inner. Gyano means wisdom.


Knowledge comes from the outside, wisdom comes from within, hence knowledge is of no use. It creates bondage for you because it is borrowed. And truth can never be borrowed. The moment you borrow a truth it becomes a lie. The truth to remain true has to be your own experience.


The Buddha has his truth, Jesus has his truth; Christians and Buddhists are simply living with borrowed knowledge. Hence after two thousand years of Christianity not a single Christ has come. Two thousand years of imitation and not a single Christ has been created. And the same is true about the other religions: not a single Buddha has happened in twenty-five centuries, not a single Krishna has happened in five thousand years. And the reason is simple; people are simply creating a bondage by accumulating knowledge from the outside.


A Christian, a Hindu, a Buddhist, a Mohammedan -- these are all slaves, slaves of words, knowing nothing of truth. Truth is hidden inside you, it is the kingdom of the within, and you have to go in to look for it -- not in the Bible, not in the Koran, not in the Vedas, but within you. And all that I teach is a simple process of going in. It is so simple that people think it is very difficult.


The obvious always seems difficult. It is just a question of closing your eyes and not doing anything; relaxing, resting. Yes, in the beginning the mind creates havoc, but don't pay any attention to it. It cannot disturb you. Let it fool around. It will do all kinds of gymnastics to attract attention. Just rest, utterly indifferent; it doesn't matter. You can tell the mind "You go on doing your thing and I am going to do my thing." If one can just go on remaining indifferent to the mind slowly slowly it becomes so bored with its own work that it commits suicide. When there is nobody to pay it attention it dies of starvation. And one day suddenly you find that the buffoon is not there! You look all around and it is all silence.


In that silence wisdom is found, in that silence you start having a great insight into things. And then whatsoever you do is right, because wisdom liberates and makes you capable of seeing what is right and what is wrong. And once you know on your own what is right you cannot go against it. Then an inner discipline arises. And that's what sannyas is, an inner discipline.


I don't give you any discipline, because that would be an imposition. I certainly help you to find your own wisdom and then you have to live in that light accordingly. I am not here to make you a slave. My whole longing is to help as many people as possible to be liberated from all bondage.

(Veet Udaseen means going beyond sadness.)


I can see a deep sadness in you and you have to come out of it, you have to transcend it. In fact everybody is sad but people go on pretending that they are not. You are a sincere person, you cannot pretend; you are sad and it is written all over your face (Udaseen smiles). It is good that one does not wear a mask, it is good to be true, sincere, authentic, because only through sincerity a revolution is possible. I can see a deep sadness has settled in you. There may have been reasons for it but it can be transformed, it can be changed.


Religion for thousands of years has been sad. Except for the Roman gods all the gods of the world have been sad. And Roman gods were not very godly -- they were playboys! (Udaseen chuckles) The Roman name for god was Jove. In English we still say "By Jove", and from Jove comes "jovial" -- humorous. Jove is a laughing god, but otherwise all the gods in the world have been sad. And even the Roman joviality has been destroyed by the Christians. Rome became their centre. And Christians say Jesus never laughed. Certainly they murdered Jove, they destroyed the idea of a laughing god. For them it was sacrilegious to think of god as laughing.


But my whole effort here is to create Joves, laughing gods. My sannyasins have not to be sad; they are not Christian monks and saints, not Hindu nor Jaina nor Buddhist. My sannyasins are of a totally new category, it has never existed before. Only once in a while have a few people been like my sannyasins -- a Bodhidharma, a Lao Tzu, a Chuang Tzu -- but it has been such a rare thing in the past. I would like it to become the very quality of the humanity that is going to come, the very future of humanity. Religion should learn the ways of laughter, religion should become closer to singing and dancing and festivity. I don't teach fasting, I teach feasting!


So drop your sadness -- enough of it, there is no need to carry it. And if you are sad here everybody will think that you are a Christian saint -- and "saint" is a dirty word around here (Udaseen laughs) Good. So start laughing, enjoying.      -- How long will you be here?


Udaseen extends his arms, grinning broadly, in an extravagantly relaxed gesture, and shrugs his shoulders.      -- That's good! (more laughter) Be here!

(Prem Gathen, means a beautiful love story.)


Shakespeare says 'Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.' And that is the life of the millions, of almost ninety-nine point nine per cent of people. It is really ridiculous that people should live such a futile life, such a tale told by an idiot.


People can live joyously. Their life can have significance, meaning, tremendous meaning, great joy, great splendour. Their life can be a song, a beautiful story -- not told by an idiot but by a Buddha. But some basic change, some radical change is needed.


People are living through the head, and the head is an idiot because it is a mechanism. People should live through the heart because it is only the heart that feels. The head does not feel. It is really thick, it has no feeling, no emotion, no sensitivity. People should live through the heart -- and that is the meaning of your name.


Live through love, live as love and your life will have a beauty, a blessing, a fragrance surrounding it. Drop logic and revive your love. Die to logic and be born as love. Of course to be in love in this insane world will make you look as if you are mad, because the people you are surrounded with all live in a very calculated way; to them you will look mad.


But those who understand -- and of course there are very few people in the world who understand -- for them you will be a sane person, because for them the whole humanity is insane.


And the criterion is: if your life is miserable, then it is insane. If your life is a rejoicing, then it is sane, than it is wholesome, then it is healthy. Then you have found something in which you can rejoice.


There is a beautiful story in the life of one of the great kings of India. His name was Akbar -- a great Moghul emperor -- and he had collected in his court all kinds of geniuses the greatest painters, poets, sculptors, musicians, scholars. He had the topmost musician of the country, Tansen, in his court. Tansen is the most important name in Indian music, in the whole history of India -- and India has a glorious history of music.


Tansen was Just a magician as far as music is concerned. One day Akbar asked him, 'Last night when you departed you played so beautifully on your Veena and your song was so haunting that I could not sleep; the song continued, the music continued. You left but it was such a haunting experience. Then suddenly a thought came to me that if Tansen is so beautiful, what about his master? He must have learned from somewhere. Music is also learned in India through masters because it is one of the meditative sciences. What about his master if his disciple is so great?


And he told Tansen 'I could not imagine that something could be greater than your music or somebody could be greater than you are. Is your master alive? If he is alive then invite him to the court.'


Tansen said 'He is alive but he won't come. You will have to go to him. He is a beggar and he does not care for anything. Even if somehow I persuade him to come he never sings. If somebody asks 'He never plays on his instruments, he plays only when he feels to. So if you really want to listen you will have to follow according to his ways. And he is an eccentric man; one never knows when he will play. But I will enquire and I will make arrangements.'


And after two days he informed the king 'He is just close by in Agra where the Taj Mahal is, just by the side of the river; he lives in a hut. And I have come to know that almost every morning, early, at three o'clock in the morning, he plays -- all alone. Nobody hears it -- only the river and the trees. So if you really want to listen we will have to go and hide behind his hut and listen.'


Akbar was so enchanted that he said, 'Okay, I will come.' They went. It was a cold winter night and Akbar was shivering and like a thief he was hiding behind the hut. The master started playing at three o'clock. Akbar could not believe it, it was so unearthly. Many times he thought he was dreaming; and tears started flowing from his eyes and Tansen was watching what was happening. Akbar did not utter a single word, he was in such awe.


When they were returning he remained silent the impact of the music was such. When he was entering his palace he said only one thing to Tansen, 'It is unbelievable. If you had told me I would not have believed it. I thought that there was nobody who can surpass you, but now, what I have heard and seen is so superb that I don't thing you could ever reach that point.'


The name of the master was Haridas. Akbar said, 'Haridas is simply not of this world, but what is the secret? Why there is such a gap between you and your master?' Tansen said, 'There is no secret about it, it is an open secret: I sing to get something -- money, power, prestige. He sings not to get anything, he sings because he has already got something; he has got his inner silence. Those songs, that music, is born out of an inner experience. It is a by-product, it is a consequence, it is something that has happened within him and is flowing outside in the form of music.


As far as I am concerned I am a technician; I know how to play but nothing has happened within me. I am singing to get something, he sings because he has already got something.'


My sannyasins have to live in a totally different way to the way ordinary humanity is living. They have to live love -- that is the inner kingdom, the inner richness. Then your whole life will be full of songs, music, poetry, joy, dance.


The world will call you mad, but who cares about the world? You will know that if this is madness then madness is far better than the so-called sanity.      -- How long will you be here?      -- I want to stay forever.      -- Forever is the best! Good.


Your name is beautiful: Ma Brigitte. It comes from the same root from which the word 'bridge' comes.


Man is a bridge. Man is not the goal but only a ladder, a passage, a bridge, between the animal and the divine. One should not be satisfied by being just human; that is not enough. That is making your house on the bridge. It is not safe as the bridge is not meant for that purpose. The bridge has to be transcended, passed over. Its function is to take you to the other shore.


Man is not a being but a bridge. Animals have being and Buddhas have being, but man is only a bridge. He has no being, he is a becoming. He goes on becoming, changing, moving from one point to another. He is a journey, a pilgrimage.


This has to be remembered: unless you become enlightened, don't be satisfied. Remain in divine discontent to the last moment when you explode into light, when you become light, when light becomes your being.
			

> [!info]
> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
>