---
section: Library
booktitle: "The Rebellious Spirit"
booktype: "Discourses"
bookcode: "SPIRIT"
dategiven: "22 February 1987 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #25"
chaptertitle: "Silence is always louder than any scream"
acode: "8702225"
shorttitle: "SPIRIT25"
audio: "Yes"
video: "Yes"
esttime: "111mins"
displaytitle: "The Rebellious Spirit: Chapter #25"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
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<p class="question">BELOVED OSHO,
WOULD YOU SAY THIS IS NOT LOVE?
FOR BEHIND THE TEARS OF ABSENCE
IS A SERENE MEMORY
AS A CONSTANT PRESENCE IN MY CENTER
ALWAYS, ALWAYS IN THE CENTER
OF MY HEART, OF MY FEET,
ALL THE DIRECTIONS OF THE EARTH,
THE WORDS AND THE SILENCES,
THE EMBRACES AND THE SONGS,
BUT MOST OF ALL
IN THE CENTER OF MY SORROWING SMILE
SOMETIMES PAINED WITH RAGE.
SO WOULD YOU SAY THIS IS NOT LOVE?
BECAUSE I SHOUT: "YOU BASTARDS!"
FOR I CANNOT ACCEPT IN SILENCE OR WITH JOY
THAT THEY GAG YOUR MOUTH
AND THEY FETTER YOUR FEET.

WOULD YOU SAY THIS IS NOT LOVE?
THE DIVINE RAGE THAT SCREAMS WITHIN ME
SINGING ITS FURIOUS SONG
FOR THE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF HEARTS
WHO WOULD HAVE LOVED TO MEET YOU
BUT ARE HINDERED BY BOUNDARIES OF FEAR,
BY BUREAUCRACY, PASSPORTS AND MASKED MANNERS.
WOULD YOU SAY IF I COULD ASK YOU
MY ETERNAL QUESTION
THAT I DO NOT LOVE YOU?
BECAUSE I FEEL TO SCREAM TO THEM
THAT I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU,
AND BECAUSE I WANT THEM ALL TO LOVE YOU,
TO BE FREE
TO LOVE YOU AND TO MEET YOU
UNDER EVERY TREE,
IN EVERY COUNTRY,
ON EVERY STREET AROUND THE EARTH,
AND BECAUSE I WISH FOR EVERY WRETCH
YOU COULD REACH OUT YOUR HAND
OR YOUR INFINITE SILENCE.
I WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW
FORGOTTEN OF MYSELF
IF I HAD NOT MET YOU.
AND SO I WEEP FOR ALL OF THOSE
WHO DIED IN FORGETFULNESS
OF THEIR OWN SOUL
WITHOUT HAVING MET YOU.
AND AGAIN AND AGAIN I SCREAM:
"YOU BASTARDS!"
INTO THE FACES OF THOSE
WHO TRY TO CHAIN YOU CLOSE
IN ORDER TO KEEP YOU
FROM THE THIRSTY AND THE LOST.

SO WOULD YOU SAY THIS IS NOT LOVE?
FOR THE SCREAM IS LOUDER STILL
THAN THE SILENCE.
FOR THE HEART IS TURMOIL AND THE RAGE
WHETS THE INTELLIGENCE
LIKE A SWORD TO CUT THE CHAINS,
TO CUT THE HEADS OF THE PARASITES,
AND TO OPEN A DOOR
FOR INTUITION TO ENTER.
I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANY MORE,
THE FEAR AND THE MEANNESS OF THOSE WHO DECIDE
WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG.
NOR THE FEAR OF THOSE WHO ARE AFRAID
OF THE SONGS,
OF THE DANCE,
OF THE MUSIC THAT SPRINGS UP
WHEN A LIVING BEING
MEETS YOU.
SO, OH, MY LOVE, WOULD YOU SAY
THIS IS NOT LOVE?</p>


Sarjano, I am reminded of a beautiful statue of Gautam Buddha, which was sent to me from Japan by a friend. It was no ordinary statue; it was the samurai conception of Gautam Buddha. In one of his hands was a burning torch and in the other hand was a naked sword. And the beauty and the strangeness of the statue was this: that half of his face was lighted by the torch -- serene, silent, peaceful; and the other side of his face had the same sharpness as the sword he was holding in his hand.
Silence can also be a song.
Love can also be a sword.


These great experiences of life -- silence or love or blissfulness -- are not limited to only one meaning. They include the whole spectrum of the rainbow: all the colors between black and white also belong to them. Love can be as soft as a rose flower, and love can be as hard as a bullet -- these are all aspects. One has to remember only one thing: that they are coming out of a loving space. Your revolution has to come from a loving space; your rebellion has to have the flavor of love. Then it is a totally different phenomenon: it is no longer political, it starts taking on a spiritual dimension.


I can understand, Sarjano, you love me too much. You cannot bear to see what the religions, the organized churches of the world are doing to me. You cannot tolerate it; it is impossible for your love to tolerate what the politicians and the bureaucrats have been doing to me.


I have been teaching only silence and love to people, and I have been treated as if I am a murderer!


The attorney general of America said at a press conference, "We could not put Osho into jail because we don't have any evidence that he has committed any crime." And the same man, in the federal court, produced a long list of crimes, and blackmailed my attorneys, threatened them. They came to see me in the jail, they had tears in their eyes -- and they were professional attorneys, they were not concerned about me the way you are concerned about me.


But those twelve days in American jails.... They arrested me without any arrest warrant. And the way the judges behaved... they would not allow me even to inform my attorneys that I had been arrested; they would not indicate even verbally the reason why I had been arrested. The magistrate before whom I first had to appear was a woman magistrate. For three days continuously the U.S. attorney argued and could not prove anything against me. He had to accept, himself -- in his closing statement on the third day -- that "I have failed to prove any crime against Osho, and I don't have anything else to say." Still the magistrate did not allow me to be released on bail.


Even the jailer could not believe what was happening. He had brought my things with him, thinking that I would be released. They did not have any arrest warrant, they did not have any cause to show; for three days he had been listening and there was not a single point that proved me guilty or criminal.


When bail was refused, he said, "I have never in my life seen such injustice. The reason why your bail has not been given is something nobody will ever know." The reason was that the government had threatened the magistrate, "If you give Osho bail, you will always remain a state magistrate; you will never move into the position of federal judge. And if you don't give bail, you will soon be promoted to federal judge." And within three weeks she was promoted.


My attorneys were watching all this happening, and the final thing that they could not believe was that the U.S. attorney did not want the trial. He said to them, "We know and you know that there is no case at all -- you are going to win. But it is in our hands not to give him bail, and to go on prolonging the case for ten years, twelve years... so you have to choose. If you insist on a trial, then don't blame us. You will win, but Osho could be in jail for twenty years. If you want him to be released without trial then you have to accept at least two crimes. The choice is clear for you."


For twelve days my attorneys had been running from one jail to another -- because they were taking me from one jail to another every day, changing the jails, trying to find some indirect way to kill me.


They put me in a cell with a man who was going to die of AIDS. The cell was meant for two, but for six months nobody had shared it because the doctor had ordered that he should remain alone. They put me in that cell. And while the doctor was present, the jailer was present, the U.S. Marshal was present, as they moved me, the man -- who was almost counting his last breaths -- told me, "Osho, you don't know me, but I have been watching You on television, and I have fallen in love with You.


"Don't come into the cell; just stand near the door, because I am suffering from AIDS and I am dying. And they have put you knowingly here -- because for six months they have not put anybody else in here. Everything in the cell is contaminated. You just remain by the door, and knock on the door, because it will take hours of knocking for anybody to turn up."


It took almost one hour before the jailer came. I asked him, "For six months this cell has not been given to another person. You know perfectly well this man is dying... why have you put me here?"


Immediately I was changed. They had no answer. I asked the doctor, "You must have taken the Hippocratic Oath to save people's lives. If you have any shame, any dignity.... You were present -- you have been preventing even murderers from being put in this cell -- and you did not say anything."


He said to me, "We cannot do anything. Orders came from the top that every indirect method should be used -- so if the person dies, we are not responsible."


As I entered in another jail, in the middle of the night, the U.S. marshal wanted me to sign my name as 'David Washington.' I said, "But that is not my name."


He said, "That we don't know. This is the order we have received from the top: you cannot write your own name on the form. In the jail, you will be known as David Washington."


I said, "I see written on your coat in beautiful letters 'U.S. Department of Justice.' At least take this coat off. What kind of justice is this? -- and do you think I am an idiot that I can't see your game? -- if I sign under the name 'David Washington' you can kill me, and nobody will be able even to find a trace of where I disappeared because I never entered your jail."


I said, "I am not going to write anybody else's name. But if you are feeling tired -- I can see it is the middle of the night, the whole day working... you must be feeling tired -- you can leave me here on this bench in the office. I will wait. Or you can do one thing: you can fill in the form and I will sign it."


He could not understand a simple strategy. He filled in the form with David Washington and everything as he wanted. It was all fiction: my father's name was fiction, my place of residence was fiction -- but I signed my signature. He looked at my signature and said, "What does it mean?"


I said, "It must mean 'David Washington.' And tomorrow you will see in the newspapers and on television... my signature is known all over the world."


My attorneys were watching continuously, running from one city to another city, from one jail to another jail. They were worried that if they did not accept two crimes, the trial would mean my torture and perhaps my death. And if I have to live for twenty years in jail, what is the point of winning? They came with tears in their eyes, and they said, "We are asking you something which we should not ask. We are here to defend you, and to defend your innocence, but the government is blackmailing us." And they told me that this was their strategy.


And he has made it clear, the same attorney general, "If you want Osho alive, you must immediately accept two crimes... and within fifteen minutes Osho has to leave America."


Seeing their tears, and thinking of the millions of my people around the world, who were telephoning and sending so many letters and telegrams and flowers that every jail was full of flowers.... The jailers were asking me, "What to do with these flowers? Where to keep them? -- because we don't have space."


I said to them, "There is no need to worry; I am a nonserious person. I can accept any crime they want. Outside the court the whole world media is waiting, and outside the court I will say, "Under the oath of truth, I have lied. The government forced me to lie." On one hand they force you to take the oath that you will not lie, and on the other hand they blackmail you into lying.


So I said, "Don't be worried," -- I accepted, without even bothering what those crimes were. They had not said that if I accept the crimes, there is going to be a huge fine -- four hundred thousand dollars, which is nearabout sixty lakh rupees -- and that for five years I cannot enter America. And fifteen years of suspended sentence -- so that even if after five years I enter the country and the government thinks that I am committing any crime, I will have to go to jail for ten years, and there will be no trial for it and no question about it.


These are their protections, so I cannot go to a higher court and appeal: that this is blackmail. So in fact they have prevented me from entering America for fifteen years.


And my attorneys were perfectly right: as I left the jail, a bomb was found under my seat. The bomb was a time bomb. Now, nobody else can put a bomb inside the jail except the jail authorities, except the government.


The case finished within five minutes, because I accepted -- there was no question of argument, and I said, "Any crime they say... I have committed. No need to waste the time of the court. You simply give your judgment." My people immediately produced four hundred thousand dollars, and within ten minutes I was out of the jail. My plane had been kept ready, so that within fifteen minutes I could leave America.


I was wondering why they were in such a hurry, why fifteen minutes? My attorneys said, "They are worried that if you are allowed to stay here for two days or five days, you may go to a higher court and appeal that you have been blackmailed -- so you have to leave America immediately."


These are the democratic governments. These are the people who go on saying that their ideals are democracy, liberty, freedom of expression, freedom for the individual to be himself. So I can understand if you call these politicians, these popes, these shankaracharyas, "the bastards." It is simply that your love is too much for me and your love for freedom, individuality, and respect for life is too much.


My whole teaching can be reduced to a simple concept: reverence for life and freedom.


So Sarjano, you need not be worried. You must be feeling that I may say this is not love. This too is love -- love on fire, love aflame. And love has to learn not to be just a rose flower. It has to know that if the time comes, it can become a sword.


You are asking me, "Would You say this is not love?" No, I would not say that.
"For behind the tears of absence
is a serene memory
as a constant presence in my center
of my heart, of my feet,
all the directions of the earth,
the words and the silences,
the embraces and the songs,
but most of all
in the center of my sorrowing smile
sometimes pained with rage."

Love knows to roar like a lion too.
Love is not just sweet poetry.


If love were just sweet poetry, it could not exist in this insane world. It has to be strong enough -- stronger than hate, stronger than anger -- it has to be a lion's roar.


"So would You say this is not love?" No, Sarjano, this is love in its purity, in its utter genuineness, in its absolute authenticity.
"Because I shout: 'You bastards!'
For I cannot accept in silence or with joy
that they gag Your mouth
and they fetter Your feet.
Would You say this is not love?"


I have knocked on the doors of twenty-one countries, but no country was courageous enough to allow me even a tourist visa for three or four weeks.


In Greece they allowed me a four-week visa, but the archbishop of Greece started making a great noise, sending telegrams to the president and to the prime minister, and writing threatening letters to the owner of the house in which I was staying, saying that if he wants to save his house, I should be thrown out. Because if I am not thrown out within thirty-six hours, he is going to burn down the whole house with all the people in it; burn them alive. And this is the archbishop of the most ancient Christian church. He represents Jesus Christ!


The government became afraid. They had no reason... because I had not even left the house in two weeks. I was asleep in the afternoon when the police came. My legal secretary, Anando, was telling the officers, "Sit down, have some tea, and I will wake Him up." But they threw her from a four-foot porch down onto the gravel, and dragged her over the gravel to the jeep, and took her away to the police station: she was trying to prevent government action.


And as I was awakened by John, I heard noises as if dynamite was being exploded. The police started throwing rocks at the house from all sides, destroying the beautiful ancient windows and doors... and they also had dynamite. They said, "You have to wake him up this very moment, otherwise we will dynamite the house."


No arrest warrant... no reason to be so furious... just because the archbishop had told the government that if I was allowed to stay in Greece, the morality, the religion, the culture, everything would be in danger. In just two weeks I would corrupt the minds of the young people. I had not even left my house, and I had not met anybody. The people who had come to see me had all come from outside Greece.


But I wondered: they have built up this morality and this religion and this culture over two thousand years... what kind of culture and what kind of morality is it which can be destroyed in two weeks by an individual man? It does not deserve to exist if it is so weak, so impotent.


The American government has been telling all the governments of the world that I should not be allowed, even as a tourist, in their countries. One small country, Uruguay, in South America, was very happy that I had come there, because the president had been reading my books, and he had not dreamt that I would ever come to Uruguay. So he said, "We will make every effort to give You land, so that You can create a community. Because not only will we be enriched by Your presence and Your disciples, but thousands of pilgrims will start coming; and we are a poor country -- it will be a financial gain too." And he immediately managed a one-year residence visa for me.


But when the American president, Ronald Reagan, became aware of it -- the American ambassador in Uruguay informed him -- he threatened the president of Uruguay: "Within thirty-six hours Osho should leave the country. Otherwise you will have to return all the loans that we have given you in the past, and all the loans -- billions of dollars -- which we were going to give you in the coming two years will not be given. So you can choose."


Now, Uruguay cannot manage to return the money and cannot afford not to take billions of dollars in the coming two years, because her whole planning is based on those billions of dollars. The whole economy of the country would collapse. The president had tears in his eyes when he told me, "Your coming to our country has at least made me aware of one thing: that we are not independent. We have been living under a delusion.


"You will have to leave. It is illegal -- because you have a valid residence visa for one year; and you have not committed any heinous crime -- that is the only reason that a residence visa can be canceled." And I had only been there one month. And he said, "It is unfortunate that I have to do it. I am doing it against my own conscience."


Even this much the American president was not willing to concede: that I should simply leave the country. My plane was standing at the airport... I said, "There is no problem; I can leave the country. I will not put your country into such jeopardy."


He said, "The American president insists that You should be deported; You should not leave the country without being deported. I am forced to commit crimes: first, to tell You for no reason to leave the country, You have done nothing. Second, to deport You. But I am absolutely helpless. Still, I want one thing: that on Your passport there should be no stamp of deportation from Uruguay. We have a small airport -- so move Your airplane to that airport, and in the evening leave without informing us; so we can say, 'He left without informing us. There was no time to deport him.'"


But he was wrong. As my jet moved to the small airport -- the American embassy must have been watching -- the American ambassador was there with all the stamps and the official whose business it is to deport people. I was delayed there, because they had to fill in all the forms, and as I left the country, I said, "It doesn't matter...." In fact, my passport has become a historical document: I have been deported from so many countries without any reason.


When I left Uruguay the president was invited to America immediately, and Ronald Reagan gave him thirty-six million dollars as a "gesture of friendship." That was a reward because I was thrown out within thirty-six hours: exactly thirty-six million dollars, one million dollars per hour! In fact, I should start asking these governments for my percentage: You are getting billions of dollars because of me -- I should get at least two percent.


America has been informing all the governments... I have seen the documents that they are sending to every government. All that those documents say is: "This man is dangerous. He can corrupt the morality of the country, the culture of the country; he can corrupt the youth of the country. He can destroy the religion of the country."


It is such a strange world. One day the German parliament decided that I should not be allowed into Germany -- not only that I should not be allowed into Germany, but my airplane should not be allowed to land at any airport, even for refueling. I cannot understand how I can corrupt their morality, sitting in my airplane for just fifteen minutes.


In England I was not allowed to stay in the airport lounge for just six hours during the night -- which was my right. It is an international airport, and my pilots had finished their flying hours and they could not fly any more -- it would have been against the law.


And just in case they refused, saying that the first-class lounge is not for private air jet travelers, but only for commercial flights, we purchased two tickets also. Just to show them, "If that is the problem, we also have tickets for a commercial flight tomorrow morning."


But the airport official had a file, and every other moment he was phoning the prime minister, "What shall I say now? What shall I do now?" -- because it was something he had never done before. To tell somebody, "Your staying in the lounge will corrupt the country's morality" does not look reasonable. And finally he came to me and he said, "There is no point in arguing. They have decided that you can stay only if you want to stay in jail for six hours. We will not allow you to stay anywhere else." So for no crime, I had to stay six hours in jail in England.


The U.S. attorney general has been saying again and again in press conferences, "I don't want to hear Osho's name again, and I don't want any news media to report his ideas. I want him to be completely silenced."


This is their strategy to silence me: that I should not be allowed in any country; and no sannyasins should be allowed into India. That's why I have withdrawn your orange clothes and your malas; otherwise you would not have been able to enter India. Now they cannot figure out who is a sannyasin and who is not a sannyasin. Now the whole world is my sannyasin.
"The divine rage that screams within me
singing its furious song
for the thousands and thousands of hearts
who would have loved to meet You
but are hindered by boundaries of fear,
by bureaucracy, passports and masked manners."


Sarjano understands it perfectly well -- he is from Italy. He and other Italian sannyasins have been trying continually for one year just to get a three-week tourist visa for me, and the Italian government goes on saying next week... and one year has passed. Because the pope has put an embargo on the government: in no case should Osho be allowed into Italy. These cowards are your religious leaders. And just now, Sarjano went there again to enquire, how many more weeks? They said, "Because one year has passed, that application is invalid; put in a new application." So he has put in a new application, and I think that again it will take one year -- before it becomes invalid again.


When the pope was in India, he was opposed by everybody: Hindus, Mohammedans, Jainas, Buddhists -- wherever he went he was opposed. I was the only man in the whole country who opposed the people who were opposing the pope, and said to them, "This is ugly and this simply shows weakness. Welcome him: invite him for a public, open discussion. In every city he enters, he should have to face a public discussion on the fundamentals of religion; that will be something valuable. Let us see how much he understands about the fundamentals of religion."


For ten thousand years this country has been pouring its whole genius into religious experiments. There is no other place in the world where religion has been so intensely and insistently explored. Christianity looks so childish compared to Buddhism that there is no need to oppose the pope. It is a good opportunity that he himself has come here; and if he had faced intellectual discussions all over the country, I think that he would never have come back again.


I can understand your rage against bureaucracy, passports, and masked manners.
"Would You say if I could ask You
my eternal question
that I do not love You?"


Sarjano, my eternal answer is that you love me too much.
"Because I feel to scream to them
that I love You, I love You,
and because I want them all to love You,
to be free
to love You and to meet You
under every tree,
in every country,
on every street around the earth,
and because I wish for every wretch
You could reach out Your hand
or Your infinite silence.

I would be dead by now,
forgotten of myself
if I had not met You.
And so I weep for all of those
who died in forgetfulness
of their own soul
without having met You.
And again and again I scream:
"You bastards!"
into the faces of those
who try to chain You close
in order to keep You
from the thirsty and the lost.
So would You say this is not love?
For the scream is louder still
than the silence."


Sarjano, there I don't agree with you. Silence is always louder than any scream. A scream has a beginning and an end; silence is eternal.
Silence is the scream of the whole existence.


But I would not prevent you from screaming, because the people you are screaming at are so deaf that it is compassionate towards them to scream as loudly as possible; and they are so insane that they cannot understand silence.


Silence can be understood only by those who know what silence is, who have experienced silence. Perhaps your scream may reach the insane minds of the politicians and the bureaucrats and the theologians and the religious leaders -- because they are full of mad noises themselves. They don't know what silence is. If they had known silence, I would have been welcomed by them.


The first man from outside America to protest against my arrest was a Zen master from Japan. He immediately phoned Ronald Reagan and phone to me, informing me, "I have phoned Ronald Reagan, and I have told him that he is committing a great sin, he will suffer for it." He has never met me, but in his monastery my books are read as scriptures -- his disciples know about Zen from my books. Zen was born in Japan, but he has found a better expression, a more profound meaning in my words; so rather than teaching them through Japanese scriptures, he is teaching them from my books.


I told him on the phone, "I am grateful that you protested, but there was no need to tell him that he should repent, that he has committed a sin."


He said, "I am enraged. I am a man of silence. My whole life I have been simply meditating and doing nothing. But seeing you on television, in chains, handcuffed, being treated as if you are a murderer, I could not remain silent." And that old Zen monk's prediction is coming true. Ronald Reagan and the attorney general of America, Mr. Meese, are both going down the drain. Irangate is going to finish them completely.


And just today Neelam has brought to me the news that in the White House, Ronald Reagan's daughter and his son-in-law have seen a ghost -- they think it is the ghost of Lincoln. But why should Lincoln be wearing red clothes? Now even Ronald Reagan is afraid to be in the White House -- because many other people have seen it, even his dog starts barking when others see the ghost. It seems some old sannyasin is just playing a joke!... Soon the White House will be a ghost house; nobody will be ready to live in it. Only dead sannyasins will enjoy living in the white house.


But Ronald Reagan and this Mr. Meese are absolutely finished; they don't have any future. So don't be angry. Even if you scream, your scream should come out of your love, out of your compassion -- so that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

"For the heart is turmoil and the rage
whets the intelligence
like a sword to cut the chains,
to cut the heads of the parasites,
and to open a door
for intuition to enter.
I cannot take this any more,
the fear and the meanness of those who decide
what is right and what is wrong.
Nor the fear of those who are afraid
of the songs,
of the dance,
of the music that springs up
when a living being
meets You.
So, oh, my love, would You say
this is not love?"

Again, Sarjano, I say: This is too much love.


Just don't forget in your anger and rage that it is love that is roaring like a lion. Basically it is love. Whatever they have done, and whatever they are doing, is just out of unconsciousness. You cannot be too angry about them: they need more pity and more compassion.


Now, here it is going to happen, everywhere it is going to happen.... We have had this property since 1974 -- we purchased it. But the government has not transferred it to our name. So we have paid the money, but the property belongs still to the original owners. The municipal corporation goes on asking for taxes from us, and we are paying those taxes.


Because I had gone to America for five years, one structure was demolished by our people -- because it was of no use anymore. One hall was enough. When I was here before, then ten thousand people used to be here. Soon they will be coming again... so we have started to raise the structure again. It is an old structure -- we are simply putting it back together -- but the municipal commissioner is so enraged about it that he has threatened that he will come on the twenty-eighth of February with bulldozers and demolish the structure. And it is our temple.


So the twenty-eighth is going to be a really festive day! You have to lie down across the whole width of the road, with all the musicians playing and dancers dancing, and tell them, "First you will have to bulldoze our people, and then you can bulldoze the whole property -- because we will not be here, it will not be of any use. But unless you bulldoze all the people who are here, you cannot move one inch into the ashram land." Now we will see how much guts that municipal commissioner has got.


We are not going to be violent; we will be singing songs of love, we will be playing music, we will be dancing with joy. Let the whole world know that to be joyful, to be peaceful, to be loving, to be nonviolent, to be festive is criminal. Perhaps it may raise the whole consciousness of humanity.


So you have to be ready for your great celebration. And, Sarjano, it will be a good opportunity, so that I can teach you that you can die for truth -- even dancing and singing; with joy, with no anger, just love and compassion.
<p class="question">BELOVED OSHO,
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT! ONE MINUTE I THINK I AM IN THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF SADNESS, THE BLACKEST FOG OF DESPAIR, A TOTAL BLOT ON THE LANDSCAPE, A COMPLETE MISTAKE ON THE PART OF EXISTENCE. THE NEXT MINUTE YOU COME DANCING IN MY DIRECTION, A HUGE LAUGH BUBBLES UP INSIDE OF ME, AND I AM UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THE WORLD AGAIN -- AT LEAST UNTIL MY NEXT PREMENSTRUAL CRISIS. WHAT AMAZES ME IS THAT I AM STILL AMAZED EVERY TIME YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, EVEN AFTER TEN YEARS. WILL I EVER LEARN?</p>


Never!
Anando, there are things you should never learn. Being amazed again and again, remaining available for wonder, is one of the most significant spiritual qualities.


I know it is not only your question; perhaps it is the question of everyone who is here. One minute you are in "the deepest depths of sadness, the blackest fog of despair, a total blot on the landscape, a complete mistake on the part of existence. The next minute You come dancing in my direction, a huge laugh bubbles up inside of me, and I am utterly in love with the world again. I don't know how you do it." Neither do I know. I just see it happening.


I know only one thing: that I am never sad, never in dark spaces, never miserable, never depressed. Whatever happens, I remain untouched by it. Perhaps that may be the reason that even when you are in a sad state and I come dancing towards you, your sadness disappears and your whole being becomes a laughter. It is only a question of coming in contact with someone who is overflowing with blissfulness. Your darkness disappears just as any darkness disappears when the light comes. Just a small ray of sun and the darkness disappears, just a small candle with its flame and the darkness disappears.


I have always loved this beautiful story: In the very beginning when God made the world, one day darkness approached God and said, "You have to do something. Your sun has been harassing me continuously; from the morning till evening, he goes on chasing me. I cannot rest even for a moment before he comes again. And I have not done him any wrong. Still, for some unknown reason, he is being so antagonistic towards me. You have to say something to him. It has to be stopped."


God said, "This is strange; why should he do that? Call the sun immediately." The sun was called and God said, "Why do you torture darkness?"


He said, "Darkness? I have never met her. How can I torture somebody whom I have never met, have never even seen? It is the first time I have ever heard that there is something like darkness."


God said, "But darkness herself has complained against you."


The sun said, "I am ready to apologize, to tell her I am sorry. Call her!"


And God sent messenger after messenger, but darkness would not come. When the sun was gone, darkness came, and God said, "So late...? You both have to be present together; only then can this matter be settled."


The matter still remains unsettled, because both cannot be present together. The complaint from darkness is still in the files of God. But since then darkness has not come back to complain, because again the same question will arise, that they both have to be present in front of God. Only then is any judgment possible.


Darkness cannot be present when light is present. Why? -- because darkness has no existence of its own; it is only absence of light. Light has a positive existence of its own; darkness is only absence. When light is not there, darkness is; when light is there, darkness is not.


Anando, perhaps the same is happening to you. When I come dancing towards you suddenly your sadness, your misery, disappears. Misery also is nothing but an absence -- an absence of blissfulness. Sadness is nothing but an absence of joy. And when I come with a flood of joy, suddenly you find you are laughing, you are smiling, you are dancing -- you have forgotten completely that great depth of sadness.


I don't do it. If you are available to me and open to me, it is going to happen. It is a happening, not a doing, so I cannot take the credit for it. The credit goes to existence itself.


And you have made one point: "I am utterly in love with the world again -- at least until my next premenstrual crisis." It used to be thought that only women have premenstrual crises. That is wrong. The latest findings are that men also have them. For centuries they were not aware of it, because it has no physical expression. But if you want to find out, just go on noting in your diary or on your calendar every day for three months, whether you have been sad or not. You will be surprised to discover that every twenty-eight days, suddenly for four or five days you are sad and melancholy. But because there is no physical expression, humanity has remained unaware of it.


Just recently psychologists became aware that it is not possible that man does not have a cycle parallel to woman. And as they explored, they found it: after exactly four weeks, for four or five days every man goes into depression. And it is very good to know which days you will be suffering from your monthly period -- whether you are a man or a woman -- because when somebody is suffering from their menstrual period, you have to be more compassionate and more loving towards the person. He is not his usual self.


And if you remember that your wife is going through her period, don't fight with her. Just take it for granted that she will be angry, she will nag, she will throw plates, she will throw pillows, she will do all kinds of nasty things to you. All you have to do is to save yourself from being hit; and enjoy -- because what can the poor woman do? She is suffering from her period; she is under the influence of her hormones. She is not doing it -- these cunning hormones are making her do things!


And if you can be patient, loving, then she also has to remember that when her husband is suffering from his period, she should not get in his way. He will drive fast, he will honk the horn, necessary or unnecessary -- he will put the radio on full blast. Just don't get in his way. Let him do whatever he is doing: he will take apart and repair a television set which was working perfectly.... The poor boy is going through a crisis. But it is chemistry; nobody can do anything about it.


The only thing to be remembered is that if you both have menstrual crises on the same date, then one of you has to go for a honeymoon -- just one. Each month you can alternate -- next month the other one can go for the honeymoon. But don't remain together, because that will be a very explosive situation.


Man has lived for millions of years without being aware of the fact, simply because it has no physical expression. But they both go through the same psychological changes.


Unless you become a watcher, unless you become a witness to your own mental states.... This is what I call meditation. And these are great opportunities: when you are feeling sad, just watch it. It is chemistry... you are consciousness. Don't get mixed up with chemistry; don't get identified with chemistry; it is physiology, it is chemistry, it is biology -- you are consciousness, a watcher.


Slowly, slowly, even when your whole chemistry is going berserk, you will remain centered, grounded, unaffected -- and this is true for both, man or woman.
Okay, Vimal?
Yes, Osho.
			

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> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
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