---
section: Library
booktitle: "Only Losers Can Win in This Game"
booktype: "Diaries"
bookcode: "LOSERS"
dategiven: "09 October 1977 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #9"
chaptertitle: "Re-gem-ber yourself"
acode: "7710095"
shorttitle: "LOSERS09"
audio: "No"
video: "No"
esttime: ""
displaytitle: "Only Losers Can Win in This Game: Chapter #9"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
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Deva means divine, heera means diamond. And the diamond is there; we just have to search for it. Everybody brings it with their birth. God never sends anybody poor; he provides for the whole journey. But he keeps the diamond in such a hidden place in you that sometimes it takes many lives to discover it. It is there in the innermost core of your being. It is so precious that it cannot be anywhere else. It is so precious and so private that nobody else can reach it except you.


It cannot be stolen, it cannot be lost. The only calamity that can happen to it is that it can be forgotten... and that's what happens. But forgotten or not, it is there! And now we will dig the well and find it, mm? Good!


[Osho suggests groups and she quips: I'll probably come back with two black eyes!]


Perfectly good! That sometimes looks so beautiful! Somebody is there -- look, behind you -- but only with one black eye! (Sure enough: a sannyasin is sitting in the front row with one very black, black eye, a testimony to his having participated in the seven-day Encounter group, here at darshan tonight.)


The process has not gone really well... only half-cooked! Good! Do it; don't be worried, mm? Good!


[Osho gives two names for centres in the West: Vishmaya means wonder, and that is the beginning of all enquiry. Just as a seed becomes a great tree, wonder one day becomes great fulfillment. But the journey starts by wondering what it is all about, what this existence is, what one is.


This quest can be asked in two ways. It can be asked out of knowledge; then it is not out of wonder. If your asking is not out of any previous knowledge but out of innocence, then it can become a great enquiry. Then the question becomes a quest. Vishmaya is the foundation of all philosophy, all religion, all poetry.


And to rhyme with vishmaya I am giving you this name: chinmaya. It means consciousness... and that is the goal. Vishmaya is the beginning and chinmaya is the end!]


[An elderly sannyasin couple had been resident in the ashram. The wife was having problems and they returned to the West. The husband returned on his own and says it was very difficult. His wife is staying there in order to sort out her mind because she has an 'ashram phobia'.]


No, everything will become okay; just time is needed. And she had to go through it. That block was always there, and because of that block she missed the whole opportunity that was here. That's why I have not persuaded her at all to come back soon. It will be easier for her to go through it there.


Here it will be difficult because she goes on defending. Here she feels as if it is your trip and she is just here because of you. That is not the right attitude to be here. So, it is going to be painful, but to go through a block is always painful.


And don't you start feeling guilty in any way -- that you have left her alone there -- otherwise you will be unnecessarily in pain... without any block! Mm ? she deserves the pain because the block is there so she has to go through it. You don't have to go through anything, but that possibility is there. You may start feeling a little guilty -- that you have left her alone and you have never been separated before. What have you done ? Is it right or wrong ? Should you have stayed there with her and helped her? She will be going through a dark night.


Your being there would have been a hindrance. If I had felt that your being there would have been helpful, I would have told you so. Leave her alone. Sometimes leaving somebody absolutely alone is of immense value. People need sometimes to be just themselves: nothing to hinder, nothing to fight with, nothing to project, no excuses. If you are unhappy it is just because of you; if you are happy it is because of you. This understanding has to come to her.


With you she will continuously find excuses -- that it is because of you that she is in pain; you created it. Here she was in pain because in the first place she never wanted to be here, so she was kind of dragged into it. But now this is her choice: she wanted to be there. One thing is good about it -- that she has decided to be there. At least she made some decision on her own part; she has asserted her individuality. That's good. And she has sacrificed for her decision: she will be alone. But she has decided that.


This is good... this is very good. It is very difficult for women to sacrifice this much. They cling, naturally they cling. For a man it is very easy... in fact almost blissful to get rid of the other. So don't start feeling guilty about it, because you may feel very very happy. But don't start condemning that happiness. You are not doing anything wrong to anybody. But sometimes we start comparing: 'I am so happy, and she is so unhappy there. I should not be so happy... I should think about her.' That is not going to help her.


If she finds out that you are sad or depressed, she will not be able to pass through the block. She will go on clinging from that far away. She knows that you are unhappy without her. That's why she is unhappy without you; there is a reason. But if she comes to know that you are perfectly happy, happier than you have ever been before, then she will be really alone. And that aloneness is a must; she needs it.


It is going to be very hard, it will burn her completely, but it is good because it will burn only her ego. She is a very very proud woman. Nothing wrong in it -- in the ordinary world that is the best thing to be -- but when you start moving into the other dimension, the other reality, there it is a hindrance. She is so proud that she need not even show it. She is so proud that she can afford humbleness; that is the problem in her. Ordinarily nobody will say that she is proud. She is so humble, so simple, so yielding, so submissive... but that is only because she is so proud. Her pride is so settled, so certain, that by being humble nothing is lost. In fact it becomes a great enrichment to that pride.


This aloneness is going to help -- she will have enough space to think -- but you have to remember that you have to be happy. The more happy you are, the sooner she will get out of it. And next time when she comes it will be out of her decision and it will be a totally different thing.


Sometimes it happens that if you are dragged into heaven against your wish, you will find hell... because it was against you. And if you go to hell because you have chosen it to be so you will be happy. Ultimately freedom decides where you are -- in heaven or in hell. Nobody can force you to be in heaven. That's what you were trying. You were trying to have her here, to have things happen. You were hoping against hope: It cannot happen that way.


Now the point has come. She has taken one decision on her own. She will be alone, separate from you, far away -- and you have not lived separately for years. You have always been together for years; you have become almost part of each other. It is going to be difficult and hard... more hard for her than for you. And she has taken on this penance of her own choice. Nobody was telling her to stay there; in fact everybody was saying to come here. But this will be good.


This is her ego trip.... It will torture her, it will burn her but within six months she will come out of it a very new being. And I am going to allow her here only when she comes on her own -- not because of you, not for any other consideration but only when she feels like coming. And she will feel it... but we will have to wait silently and happily. Just be happy!...


Just send her my blessings and tell her I am perfectly happy that she has at least done something decisive on her own, that she has asserted herself. Things are going to be difficult; write that too. It will be a dark night and she will be alone, but if she can really go into it the morning is not very far away. It will be a six-month night; you can write that much! Good!


[A sannyasin asks about her relationship because her lover also has a boyfriend. Her lover is returning to the West, and she will stay for another month.]


Let him leave and after one month remind me again -- when you have lived alone for one month -- how you are feeling. It will give you a perspective. Just perspective is needed. Right now whatsoever I say will not be helpful. Whatsoever I say will be only half convincing because the other part will go on arguing. You will have to repress the other part if I say anything right now, and I am never in favour of any kind of repression.


For example, if I say to leave the relationship, then your loving part will say 'What are you doing ? This is not good!'... and that will hurt too. If I say to remain in the relationship it will be hurting.


And it is not so easy to surpass the jealousy part. In fact a man becomes transcendental to jealousy only when he becomes transcendental to love too. They both go together! I have never come across a man who has transcended jealousy and is still hankering for love. Why should he be? -- there is no problem left. One can be loving but that will be a totally different kind of love... more like a friendship or compassion. It will not be a relationship.


Because you need a relationship, hence there is jealousy. Because there is a great need for relationship there is great fear. Somebody may enter and take away the relationship. So the triangle always keeps one hanging. One is never really settled, the relationship is never really settled; something is always there. The person is divided and a relationship wants total involvement. If he is not totally involved with you, how can you be totally involved with him? It is a reciprocal thing, a mutual thing.


You can get involved totally only when you know that the other is totally involved with you. He is only half involved; how can you be totally involved? (She nods as if Osho has just voiced her own feelings.)


At the most you can be half involved. Then your other part, the remaining half, goes on burning, and will go on finding reasons, excuses, to be unhappy. There will always be something missing in the relationship because yon know that there is somebody else too; you are not alone.


One can surpass jealousy but in surpassing it, one surpasses the very desire for relationship. Then there is a kind of love but a totally different kind of love which has nothing to do with relationship. It is not a relationship; it is simply that you give out of your abundance. You give because you have it. You don't bother about whether it is responded to or not, whether the person even says a thank-you or not, whether he loves you or not, whether he loves somebody else or not. These are all irrelevant things.


So my feeling is that you wait for one month. And for this one month while you are alone, enjoy this time as much as possible. Be totally free of all this entanglement so you can create a space, a distance from where you can see and look into things. This one month will create the possibility. After one month when I see that now you have your space intact, clarity is there, I will tell you what to do, because only when you are clear can you understand me. And only when you are clear can you go totally with what I say; otherwise my saying will create more problems. Then you will start feeling that if you don't listen to me you will feel bad; if you listen to me and if it doesn't suit yon, you will feel had. And I am the last person in the world to make anybody feel guilty for anything. To me to create guilt is the only sin.


So I am very very cautious about advising people. I advise only when I feel that now things are very clear and you will be able to comprehend the truth of the situation. My feeling is that once [your lover] is gone you will be more at ease, settling, centred. One month's work and then remind me again. Things will become clear... and something has to be done.


Either you surpass jealousy, and, in brackets, the desire for relationship, or you drop out of it! It is never good to be just hanging -- never good! It creates a kind of chronic hesitation in you and a division. The division can terminate any day in a kind of schizophrenia. It is never good to remain in a split for long. For moments it is okay because it is part of the game. Many times we have to think and decide, but never linger; don't make it chronic. Mm? if you have a cold for three, four days it is okay. It simply cleanses the system -- nothing wrong about it.


When you come to a crossroads you have to think for a few moments where to go, but to remain on the crossroads for many many months and many many years and then to go north one step and then come back and go south one step, and then remain on the crossroads continuously.... The crossroad should not become chronic, otherwise one is stuck and one is divided. One goes on moving into two different directions and a gap arises in one's being. That gap is the greatest disaster.


One can become two persons. This is the situation where one can become two persons. One of those persons has to be repressed, and whomsoever you repress, this or that, repression is bad.
My feeling is that the clarity will come. After one month remind me.


[Osho addresses an indian couple. He tells them to become involved in the work now, saying there is much to be done both inside and out. Later on you have to come to Kutch (the new ashram) to live whenever you can arrange for it. Such an opportunity happens once or twice in a century. We have to experiment. When there is such an opportunity, why miss it?


The woman asks about the education of their four children. This will be of tremendous benefit in their lives, Osho assures her, because I am trying to make a commune. Not today, but soon there will be five thousand people in residence, so we have to arrange a school, a college. And in a new way, because the old type of school and college has become unsuccessful; nothing has happened through it. I am going to introduce a new name -- an anti-university. It will be based on a new pattern: less of the intellect, more of the heart. We will not teach ambition. It will be enough if they learn a little art; then they can live easily.


So this is good -- bring your children. Everything will be arranged for them!]
			

> [!info]
> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
>