---
section: Library
booktitle: "Only Losers Can Win in This Game"
booktype: "Diaries"
bookcode: "LOSERS"
dategiven: "08 October 1977 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #8"
chaptertitle: "Man is a mission impossible"
acode: "7710085"
shorttitle: "LOSERS08"
audio: "No"
video: "No"
esttime: ""
displaytitle: "Only Losers Can Win in This Game: Chapter #8"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
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Veet vishada -- beyond despair....


And despair is the ordinary condition of humanity. People may know, may not know, but they are in despair. People are constantly in a turmoil, in an anxious state. That is natural because they don't know who they are. They don't know where they are going; they don't know why they are existing. Everything is in darkness and somehow one has to manage to live -- hence despair, a constant frustration: 'Why am I here?' 'For what?' 'Not knowing exactly why I am here, how can I attain to fulfillment ?' 'Not knowing where exactly I'm meant to go, how can I reach my destiny?' That's the despair, the basic despair. No other animal is in despair because no other animal is a growing process -- except for man.


The whole effort here is to create a direction in you. Once the direction is there, clear, loud, despair disappears. Then your life has a meaning, a significance. Whatsoever you are doing Is relevant because it is helping you move towards the goal. The goal may be far away; that doesn't matter really. One can wait for it, one can struggle for it. But one should know that it Is there; one should know that one is not in vain.


Jean-paul Sartre says: Man is a useless passion. If that is true then despair is destiny. Then there is no way to go beyond despair. If man is a useless passion, an empty desire, an impotence, then one has to live in despair, one has to die in despair. Then despair is the only story... a tale told by an idiot, full of fury and noise signifying nothing.


But that is not true. Man is the passion for the impossible, but the impossible happens too. And that is the message of sannyas -- that we are trying to bring the impossible into the world of possibility, to bring the eternal into the world of time, to bring the beyond within.


So let this be the beginning of something new... of a direction of a significance, of a poetry, of a dance. Sannyas is all that together, and much more!


[A sannyasin says that he has written a book, and asks if Osho has anything to say to him.]


Just take life a little more at ease, a little less seriously... be more playful. There is nothing valuable here, nothing worth worrying about. So use every opportunity as a training ground for no-worry. That is the whole inner secret of understanding life. Take every opportunity as a situation to learn non-worry. Remain relaxed an remain laughing.


Once laughter and playfulness enter your being, the who e perspective changes. Then the very idea of being serious seems ridiculous... and it is. Be more at ease with yourself. Don t give yourself some ideas that you have to fulfill. Much will be fulfilled through you, but not that you have to fulfill lt. And much will be done through you, but not that you have to do lt. The more you try to do it, the more you will create obstructions. So remain floating. Let let-go be your mantra!


[A sannyasin says she has done some groups including Enlightenment Intensive. She got a lot from it, but did not get an answer to the question 'Who am I?']

There is no answer!


All answers are created answers, but people feel happy because something... There is no answer. To get that -- that there is no answer -- is to get it. But one will not feel very happy because one feels as if one has missed. We have a constant mind to achieve something -- anything, but something has to be achieved. When we achieve something we feel good. If you can get an answer then you feel good. The answer may be just rubbish... and all answers are rubbish!


The question is not a question that needs any answer. The question is just to destroy all your answers and to show you the futility of all answers. When all answers have been dropped, the question goes on resounding, resounding, resounding.... Then a point comes when you see the whole futility of the question. The question also disappears.


That state -- when there is no question and no answer, that state of no-mind -- is the answer, but there is no answer in it. It is that space, that very space -- that purity, that innocence, that non-verbal space where you are not asking and you are not searching for any question, when there is no search, no enquiry and yet you are perfectly alive and perfectly alert and aware; you have not fallen asleep.


The question is to help you first to drop answers, second: to keep you alert and awake. First answers disappear; then the question disappears. Because you cannot go on asking, asking the question when there is no answer coming. A moment comes when through the sheer futility of it the question also evaporates and you are left empty, in a kind of nothingness. But that nothingness is virgin. Out of that nothingness is bliss.


But this cannot be said to the people who are doing the enlightenment intensive, because if you say to them that there is no answer from the very first, from the very beginning, their question will be just so-so. They will not put energy into it because they know that there is no answer, so why bother? Then they will never reach this state. So they have to be told again and again that there is an answer; they must go on and on and on. They have to be driven mad! They go on questioning, they go on questioning. When your whole energy has been put into the question and there is nothing else you can do, the question disappears. And you are left for the first time in the herenow.


I am not saying that you attained this space. I'm not saying that you came to this point where question and answer disappear. Your question remained. You didn't get any answer but your question remained; the question was still there. You had to go into it a little more... you had to struggle a little harder. My feeling is you didn't put your total energy into it.


Just a part of you was asking and another part was thinking it was crazy, 'What are you doing?' A part was asking and one part was thinking that it was just a game: you can play it but there is nothing much in it. All these things remained in the mind. So you could not get to any answer because there is none; that is the good part. But you could not get rid of the question; that is the bad part.


Here, put more energy into groups. I will suggest two groups to you. And be here, mm? Good!


[An ashram therapist says she has a mother-trip going with her grown-up daughter, and with her own boyfriend who is very young. The gardening job she is doing between groups is helping her slow down.]


No, flowers need somebody who can talk to them. Flowers are people. It is much more valuable than work -- you can go on talking. Do you sometimes argue too with the flowers? Not yet?...


No, just enjoy! Nothing to worry about. Out of enjoyment by and by, work will come.


And when you know that this is a mother-trip... My feeling is that you should really go into it once. Let [your boyfriend] be your son, and just go into it. You don't go into it -- you go on repressing it; hence it comes again and again. Be finished with it. Nothing is wrong in being a mother. And if [the boyfriend] is not suitable, then there are many people who are in need of a mother. Why ?...


Just put a notice... (Osho demonstrates by putting an imaginary sign across his chest.)... that you are in search of a son, and you will find one immediately. You will find many people who are needing a mother approaching you. Many people are missing their mothers. Then it will fit. The problem arises if maybe veda is in search of a wife or a girlfriend and you are in search of a son; then there is trouble.


If a masochist and a sadist meet, that is the best couple. Then there is no problem: they fit. The masochist wants somebody to torture him and the sadist wants to torture somebody. They meet and it is perfect. That is the best couple in the world....
Because you hate it and you still desire it....


Once, let it be finished. Nothing is wrong in it. What is wrong in it? What is wrong in being a mother? Nothing! The problem arises because you don't accept your desire; you condemn it.


That is the american mind basically. No woman really wants to be a mother in america. They all want to remain young; they don't want to grow. They always want to be called 'baby'... they want to play around like babies. They manage in every way so that their age never shows. They postpone being a mother. Even if they become a mother, they don't want to tell anybody; they hide the fact. And this is against womanhood -- this american style of life -- because a woman wants to be a mother. So there is a conflict between your womanhood and your americanhood.


Always look into natural tendencies and don't call names. Don't call this neurotic or say this is not good, this should not be. These shoulds create trouble. Just have a good talk with veda and say that this is your mother-trip. You would like to love him as much as you can, but this is a kind of fulfillment for your motherhood. So if he is accepting, perfectly good.


But make it very conscious; otherwise find somebody else. And be finished with it: once it is finished things will be very different. Otherwise it will hang around. You will go on fighting with it and it will remain there. It can continue to the very end. My attitude always is that whenever there is a problem, go through it and finish it. Don't go round and round: the way is through.


Never condemn yourself. What is wrong in it? That's very simple: every woman wants to become a mother. Whenever a woman loves a man really, she starts mothering. And every man basically is in search of the mother. So there is nothing problematic in it, but neither is the man ready to accept that he is in search of a mother nor is the woman ready to accept it. So unnecessary anguish, anxiety, problems. Both are denying. Each man is in search of the mother; that's why man is so much attracted by the woman's breasts.


Each man is searching for the mother and each woman is searching for the son. This is very natural and it fits perfectly. But if both deny their natural tendencies then there is a problem. Simply accept it and go into it. And make it clear to veda: if he cannot understand through you, then bring him to me.


[A sannyasin asks about his relationships. He only feels good when he is in love, and has had a succession of women. The latest girlfriend left him and he is shaken about this.]


You have still not learnt the mystery of love. You have not yet become mature about it. You have very childish notions about it.


The first thing: whenever a love is beautiful it is going to finish soon. Only ugly things have long life; beautiful things disappear very soon. The more alive a thing, the sooner it disappears.


This is one of the lessons of maturity. If you want that a thing should be permanent, should go on forever and ever, then you are not really searching for love; you are searching for security. And security is not love. Love is insecurity. You would like to cling to a woman and you would like a woman to cling to you. But clinging is not love. Yes, it will be very secure; you can depend on it. And that is what is creating the trouble for you.


Here, nothing can be secure. With me, nothing is secure. And the people who are coming to me will become more and more mature. Then nothing is going to be permanent. Everybody will be available to love but there will be no promise for the future and no guarantee for the future.


A mature person cannot promise even about tomorrow. A mature person can only say 'This moment I am feeling love for you. I am flowing towards you. But one never knows what will happen in the next moment. Whatsoever the next moment brings we will have to accept.' You seem to be in difficulty because of this. You want somebody to cling to you. That will give a very good food for your ego -- a woman clinging to you.


When that doesn't happen, it hurts. It is not love that hurts, remember... it is the ego that hurts. Now you love one woman and one day she starts moving towards somebody else. The ego feels hurt: 'So is there something missing in me? Why has she left me? Why in the first place should she ever think of leaving me? What is wrong in my love?'


Nothing is wrong in your love. It is just that one day it happened with you; now it is happening with somebody else. And with me there is utter freedom. I don't want to impose anything on anybody. If it has disappeared, it has disappeared.


Then you start feeling very uncomfortable. You can't trust this, you can't take it, you can't accept it -- that a woman who has loved you can love any other man. Why not? That idea has to be dropped, otherwise you will be in suffering. In fact, because a woman has loved you and has enjoyed love with you, she can fall in love with somebody else too.


My own understanding is this: if you have enjoyed love with a woman, really enjoyed, and the love has been a great fulfilment to you, once the woman is gone you will fall in love with another woman immediately because now you know what beauty love is. Then you will always remain in love. It does not mean that you will remain in love with one person but you will remain always in love because you know the beauty of it. You will feel grateful to the woman because she has shown you the beauty of it.


Ordinarily it has been thought down the ages that if a woman dies and the husband never marries it shows he loved the woman very much. My understanding is totally different, just the opposite. My understanding is that the woman has created so much trouble for the man -- now never again (laughter) Finished! He is finished with all women forever This one has been enough. If the man immediately starts moving towards another woman, that simply shows he has loved the woman and the woman has loved him and he cannot live without love. He knows the beauty of it.


My feeling is that because of a very, very absurd idea of marriage in india -- that you have to be for your whole life in a bondage -- sannyas, the old kind of sannyas, was born in the first place. Because there was no possibility to divorce the woman. If you get completely fed-up with the woman what are you supposed to do ? And there is no possibility for divorce, there is no law for divorce. The only way was to renounce the world. And that's why all the people who renounce the world are not so much against the world; they go on talking against the woman. The scriptures are full of condemnation for the woman. That shows exactly what they mean by 'the world'; they mean the woman.


My approach is that I would like to have a very free milieu for love, absolute freedom for love here. So whenever two persons are feeling good they are together... but only if it is there. If it remains forever, good. If it disappears one day then you owe it to the other to tell the truth -- that it has disappeared. Maybe you tell it with tears. You never wanted to finish it but it has finished. And you cannot do anything; you are helpless. You have to move away -- with no grudge, with no complaint.


It is not love that is creating trouble for you; it is the ego. You feel hurt. That ego has to be dropped. Be in love with love. Women come and go, men come and go; love remains. Love is eternal.


Relationships go on changing. The river goes on flowing... banks go on changing. Sometimes the Ganges is in the Himalayas, sometimes on the plain, sometimes in a desert, sometimes amidst beautiful trees, sometimes somewhere else. The river goes on flowing; everything else goes on changing. Love is a river. Sometimes it is flowing between you and [your girlfriend], sometimes it is flowing between you and [another woman], and sometimes between somebody else. It will go on flowing between [her] and somebody else and you and somebody else. Take love as a river, and trust.


Don't be worried about it. If you are too worried and I feel that it is becoming troublesome to you, I will send you to the West, because maybe you have to live that suffering for a few months or a few years. I will send you to the west; you can work it out there. But I don't think you will be able to work it out there. If you cannot work it out here, you cannot work it out anywhere else in the world. And you will get into trouble. Just look at it rightly: it is not love, it is just ego. But you mistake the ego for love. Everybody misunderstands that way.


If one love has disappeared, then fall into another love. It will always keep you young. A person who goes on falling in love again and again remains young, lives long, and is never fed-up and never bored. You should be really thankful to the woman who leaves you because she makes you free again. She gives you space again. Again you can find somebody else.
For example, this [latest girlfriend]...


And the woman who was there before... if she had not left you, then? Then [the next woman] would not have been possible. You should not only be thankful to [her] for these four months; you should be thankful to the woman who left you, otherwise these four months would not have been possible. And who knows about the future four months? If [the girlfriend] is leaving, somebody else may come!


Why not trust life? Why cling to the past? Why not remain open to the future? [The girlfriend] comes out of the blue. Somebody else may be coming, may be already on the way. And I don't see why tomorrow should not be better than today, because you have lived one day more, you have loved one day more. You have learned one day more. Tomorrow can be better than today. Some other woman will come and someday maybe [the old girlfriend] will come back again.


Remain trusting in life, and don't cling. Remain relaxed. Try, otherwise I will send you away. Beware! Then you will know that that is a kind of punishment. When I want to punish people I send them to the West! Don't tell it to anybody else! Good!
			

> [!info]
> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
>