---
section: Library
booktitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am"
booktype: "Diaries"
bookcode: "THUNK"
dategiven: "10 October 1980 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #10"
chaptertitle: "None"
acode: "8010105"
shorttitle: "THUNK10"
audio: "No"
video: "No"
esttime: ""
displaytitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am: Chapter #10"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
<!--This file is automatically generated. Do not edit!-->
> [!info]
> Note
>
[NOTE: This is an unedited tape transcript of an unpublished darshan diary, which has been scanned and cleaned up. It is for reference purposes only.]


(Yoshiko has lots of different meanings, Osho says. They are: joy, love, clarity, brightness, goodness and fragrance -- in fact almost the entire gamut of qualities that arise through meditation.)


The moment one puts the mind aside all these things start happening spontaneously. It is not that you have to bring them into existence, they come of their own accord. And that is the most significant thing to be remembered: if you make any effort to be loving your love will be false the very effort will make it false.


The same is true about virtue, about joy and about all the ultimate values. They have to come effortlessly, only then are they true and authentic.


Meditation does not bring them in, it only prepares you to receive them. It only opens the doors so the sun can come in, the moon can come ing the stars can come in and the wind, the rain. It simply opens you up. It does not create anything. It is basically negative, it removes the barriers. And these are the barriers: desires, memories, thoughts, fantasies, dreams, the whole past and the whole future.


Once you drop the past and the future and you are just here and now, that is meditation; to be in the present is to be meditative. And in that immediate experience of the now, of the here, one opens up and all these qualities simply start coming on their own. And they have a tremendous beauty when they come of their own accord. You cannot feel egoistic about them because you have not manufactured them; they are gifts from god or gifts from the whole, hence one feels tremendous gratitude. And that gratitude is religiousness, the very essence of religiousness.

(Love-meditation is the meaning of the name of the next Japanese sannyasin.)


Love means the heart, the world of trust. The head means doubt; it is the world of logic. And these are the two things, one has to choose between. If you choose the head you have chosen the outside reality.


Then you can have many achievements, you can have wealth, power, prestige, respectability and all that, but deep down you will remain poor; internally you will remain empty. Hence all those achievements are really in vain, they don't fulfil you.


If you choose love, if you choose the heart, you have chosen the inward journey. Then you will possess immense richness, great power. But it will not be of this world, it will belong to a totally different plane.


The words are the same and because of the words many times mystics have been misunderstood. Jesus is a case of misunderstanding. He was talking of the kingdom of god and the woman rulers who were dominating Jerusalem in those days became afraid of him; they thought he was a political revolutionary. He was talking about the inner kingdom but they thought ho was just trying, to hide his politics behind religious words. That's why they conspired with the Jewish rabbis to kill him. And Jesus was absolutely innocent as far as politics was concerned; he was not interested at all in the outer, in the external reality. His whole concern was inner. All the awakened people of the world have always explored the inner, but they have to use the words, the same words, that are used for the outside reality: richness, power, kingdom.


Love opens the door. One has to be very loving, only then can meditation blossom. With doubts one cannot meditate. One can think about meditation but one cannot meditate. With doubts how can you drop ideas?


Doubt brings more and more ideas in. Doubt functions like a magnet: it attracts thoughts from everywhere. And no thought is impotent, remember; each thought is very reproductive. Thoughts are almost like Indians, they don't believe in birth control. Unless you have at least one or two dozen children you have not proved your manhood.


Thoughts are continuously bringing in more and more children, so when you allow one thought you will find a queue, an almost endless queue. And each thought will create more doubts and more doubts mean more thoughts.


Logic can ultimately lead only to insanity. It is not an accidental thing that in the past many philosophers have gone mad. It is a natural consequence. Those who have not gone mad simply prove one thing, that they were not great philosophers, just mediocre people, half-heartedly trying doubt. To me Bertrand Russell is mediocre. Friedrich Nietzsche is a great philosopher; he goes to the very end -- and at the very end of logic there is insanity. Insanity is the only proof that the philosopher has been truly a philosopher, true to his vocation.


Through love one attains to sanity, to absolute sanity, because when all thoughts disappear there is nothing that can drive you mad. It is impossible to go mad when there are no thoughts; nobody has ever been able to manage it. No Buddha can go mad, it is simply impossible. Even if he tries, nothing will come out of it because the basic roots of madness are destroyed.


Choose trust, love, the heart, so that you can become a meditator. And once you are a meditator nothing is missing; then everything settles in a deep harmony, in an infinite accord. Life becomes a melody, a dance, a celebration.


Satya means the ultimate truth. Amritam means eternal, immortal, deathless, timeless.


The definition of truth is that which is eternal. That which is not eternal is only a fact, not a truth. And the difference between a fact and a fiction is not much. That which is a fact may have been a fiction just a moment before and that which is a fiction right now may become a fact in the next moment.


When you are dreaming about something it is fiction; but you can materialize your dream, then it becomes a fact. The difference between fiction and fact is only of degree; hence all facts sooner or later disappear again and become fictions. They can be real only for the time being. They are momentary, just like soap bubbles: they are factual when they are there but they are there just for a moment and then the bubble bursts and nothing is left behind, not even a trace. But it was there just a moment before and it was beautiful. And if the sunrays were penetrating it, it may have been tremendously colorful, psychedelically colorful. A rainbow is a fact but it is very momentary, any moment it can disappear. And in life we live like a pendulum moving between facts and fictions, continuously moving from fact to fiction, from fiction to fact.


Neither fiction is truth nor facts are truth. That's why in the East we have never bothered about history very much -- because history consists of facts. Nobody knows exactly when Krishna was born -- the year, the time. Nothing historically is known for the simple reason that we have not paid any attention to history. The West is very fact-oriented.


The East has paid great attention to the inner meaning of Krishna's life, we have penetrated the deepest into his very being, into his truth. But that truth is timeless, so it does not matter when he was born, it does not matter whether he was born or not. What really matters is whether something like Krishna-consciousness is possible or not -- and that's a tremendous difference. We are not concerned about whether Christ was really a historical person. He may have been, he may not have been; it doesn't matter. What matters is, is Christ-consciousness a possibility? Can a man rise to those heights of being a Christ? If that is possible then what does it matter whether Jesus became a Christ or not? If you  can become a Christ, then Jesus of course must have become a Christ and many others must have become Christs too.


The Western mind lives in time-consciousness, the Eastern approach is towards timelessness; hence our definition of truth is that which is beyond time. So unless you go beyond time you know nothing of truth. In time you only see a film on the screen -- it can be beautiful and for the moment you may become enchanted with it, but deep down you know that it is just a fiction. You may become engrossed in it, you may completely forget that it is just a fiction, you may start taking it for real -- and if it is a three-dimensional film it can give you the notion, the feeling, that it is real. But then the end comes, and the screen is left behind and then suddenly there is the realization that for the whole time only the screen was real and the film was just a projection.


The world of facts is only a projection, the screen is the reality; but the screen is hidden behind the projection. The screen is god and the world is just a film moving on that divine screen. How to penetrate the real -- that which always is and will always be and has always been? The method that we have discovered in the East is meditation. Meditation simply means dropping all fictions and facts, cleansing the mind of fictions and facts both, so that only the screen remains. The screen of consciousness is pure and empty, clean and white, and nothing moves on it. All movement has disappeared because all movement is in time.


Time has stopped, the clock has stopped. Suddenly you are transported into another world, the transcendental world. And that is the world of truth. To know it is to know all and to know it is to be it, because then the knower and the known are no more separate; then the knower is the known, the seer is the seen, the observer is the observed. That is the ultimate experience which liberates, which liberates you from all the fantasies of the mind and from all the mundane facts of the world. You still live in the world but now you know that it is a game, a play: play as beautifully as possible but don't get identified with it. Remain in the world but remain absolutely untouched, unidentified.


That's what sannyas is all about: living in the world and yet not being in the world, living in the world but not allowing the world to live in you; passing through the world fully aware that it is all momentary, so you need not get disturbed, you need not get distracted.


Then calamities and blessings, failures and successes are all the same. And when you can see that darkness and light, life and death, are all the same, a tremendous tranquillity, an equilibrium, a balance, happens to you. That profound silence is truth.
How long will you be here?
Till springtime.
That's good. Everybody has to be here till springtime!


(Osho gives the name Sat Prabodhi, and talks about how it's possible to imagine you've become enlightened when you haven't really.)


My sannyasins have to be aware of it because I am continuously talking about enlightenment and trying to help you to move towards it. And the mind can play tricks. And it has happened to many sannyasins: they start believing they have become enlightened, they start a kind of dream and they believe in it. By believing in it they are trapped by the mind again. Rather than getting out of the mind they have got even more deeply entangled with it.


So one has to be aware not to allow the mind to play this last trick. This is the last trick the mind can play upon you. It call deceive you that there is no need for anything, no need to meditate, no need to be a sannyasin -- you are enlightened. And the mind can always rationalise.


Just the other day I received a letter from a sannyasin -- from California, of course, such things happen more in California; all the fools of the world are gathered there! It is the fools' paradise. She has written to me 'It has happened, Osho. What you nave been talking about and you have been telling us -- that we are already enlightened -- has happened. So I dropped the mala, I dropped sannyas, because you have said "When you meet me on the way kill me!"' But then after a few hours she started feeling guilty, afraid. So she writes 'Then I took the mala back and it felt very good and I felt relieved and great gratitude arose in me.' But she still thinks that she is enlightened.


Enlightenment does not come that way. When it comes there is no idea that it has come. In fact the master has to tell you that it has happened. If you yourself think it has happened then thought is still there.


One of Buddha's disciples, Manjusri, became enlightened; he was his first disciple to become enlightened. For days Buddha waited for him to come because he could see that the man was totally transformed, but he never turned up. Buddha would see him sitting under a tree listening to his discourses and doing all the routine work. We watched him for a few weeks, then he went to him and he said 'Manjusri, what is the matter? Why don't you tell me!' He said 'What?' And Buddha said 'It has happened!' Manjusri said 'What are you talking about. What has happened? I don't know anything. All that I can say is that I am feeling tremendously silent. There is not even the idea that this is it. There is no idea. So if you say so then it must have happened -- it is up to you. If you say so then it must have happened. If you say it has not happened it must not have happened, but I have nothing to say about it.'


And Buddha related the whole story to his disciples, saying that this is the way it happens. If arises, the ego arises immediately; it grabs you. It says, 'Look, you are enlightened!'


True enlightenment is not a thought, it is an experience, a thoughtless experience. When it happens one becomes absolutely ordinary, nothing special. One does not start having that haughty attitude of holier-than-thou, 'I have got it and you don't have it yet.' It does not give you any nourishment for the ego. If it does it is false. Ir the idea arises in you that you have become enlightened, then it is false. So remember it.


And whenever I talk to anybody I am talking through that sannyasin to all of my sannyasins. It is nothing personal when I talk to somebody, it is always concerned with everybody.

(Bliss is beautiful -- and a beautifier too, Osho tells Anand Rupama.)


Even the body is transformed through it, because the bliss starts radiating. It gives you a grace, both inner and outer, because whatsoever happens at the centre of your being starts affecting the circumference. If your house is dark, of course your windows and your doors will all show darkness. And if you burn a candle inside, then from the window, from the door, the light will start reaching outside.


From far away a person who is lost in the jungle , in the darkness, will find solace, consolation, a direction, because your house is lit with a small candle; he will start moving towards you. But if the house is dark then he will not be able to find your house.


Whenever one becomes blissful one becomes full of light. Misery is darkness, bliss is light. And you can see the blissful person radiating; he is luminous. Something of his innermost core starts filtering out of the body too -- and that gives immense beauty.


There are two stories. One is about Moses. A king was very much interested in the teachings of Moses and he wanted one of Moses' portraits to be put in his bedroom, so he sent a great painter to paint a portrait of Moses. The painter went, and he took months and then he came back with the portrait. Everything was beautiful but somehow the face was missing something. What the emperor has seen was not there something else.


Moses looked as if he were a criminal, he looked as if he were a murderer. The king was very much puzzled because the painter was one of the best and he had known him and his paintings. He said 'What is the matter? Moses looks like a murderer! How have you painted him like that?' The painter said 'What can I do? Whatsoever I saw I have painted.'


They both went to see Moses and the king said 'I cannot understand how this great painter has missed something in your face?' Moses laughed and he said, 'Your painter is right because he has a tremendous insight about even small traces of the past on the face. What you see is only my present. Yes, I murdered a person once -- unknowingly. I was not intentionally murdering him but it happened. I hit somebody and he died, and something of it has remained in my face. I can see when I look in the mirror that my skin is still carrying some mark of it You cannot see it but your painter is really great because this thing happened thirty years ago. Nobody has ever been able to see it but your painter has discovered it.


'And I was afraid: the way he was painting, the way he was looking and trying to go deeper into my past, I was afraid he would discover this. He has and he is right. And you are also right because what you are seeing is my present face. Now my light inside is burning and I am luminous with it. He has painted my past, you are seeing my present.'


The same is true about Jesus. There are two kinds of stories about Jesus -- one, that he was an ugly man and the other that he was one of the most beautiful people. There has been a quarrel going on for centuries


Christians. The anti-Christians go on quoting some old, ancient documents proving that he was an ugly man and Christians go on saying that he was a beautiful man -- and they have not come to any conclusion.


My own understanding is that both are right. The people who are talking about those ancient documents... those documents exist, they are there, but they tell about Jesus before his enlightenment. And what Christians are talking about 1s after his enlightenment, after he became full of light, full of joy. Both stories are true, there is no contradiction, but they don't belong to the same time.


The first story belongs to the factual people, those who believe in history. And the second story belongs to the poets, and the mystics -- those who believe in the truth, in the inner truth.


(Love is a small lamp -- and the meaning of his new name, Osho explains to a student from Germany.)


Love is a small lamp, but it is enough, in fact more than enough. You don't need to carry a sun with you; just a small lamp is enough in the dark night. Of course it sheds light only a few feet ahead of you but that's all that is needed: you walk these few steps then the light goes a few feet ahead and it is always ahead of you. One can cover a long journey of ten thousand miles with a small lamp; one need not carry the whole sun. And love is a small lamp in the heart but it is enough; nothing more is needed for life's pilgrimage. And it goes on showing you the right path. listening to one's heart then there is no need to listen to any outer commandment. Then god goes on whispering within you and showing you the way. Because people don't listen to their own heart, they are being exploited by the priests and the politicians. They go on telling people what to do and what not to do, and of course they think of their own interests, they are not concerned about you. What they say you should do is for their own vested interests. Naturally -- why should they be worried about you. They are worried about their own vested interests. They enslave you through beautiful words -- morality, religion, spirituality -- but their whole desire is how to enslave people, how to imprison people.


Freedom comes when you start listening to your own heart. And my work here consists of only one things helping you to find your own voice, your own still, small voice. Once you have found it the function of the outer master is finished because you have found your inner master.


And the real master is always working so that you can find your own source of light. He does not want you to be dependent on him because all dependence is slavery.


(Osho calls closer to him the slim, curly-haired would-be sannyasin, last to be initiated.)


This is your name: Ma Gyangit. (He's a swami! whispers Mukta, by Osho's side.)
A swami? That's good! (laughter) Be thankful to Mukta!
(Osho makes the correction on the namesheet, and then begins.)


Gyangit means a song of wisdom. Knowledge is never a song. It is tedious, boring, it is heavy, it is a burden and the burden goes on becoming bigger and bigger. It goes on piling up on your head like a mountain. People are crushed underneath the burden, the weight of their knowledge. The so-called scholars and the pundits cannot move at all, they have to crawl. Their life becomes stagnant because movement becomes very difficult.


It is like swimming in the ocean with rocks hanging around your neck, they are bound to drown you.


Knowledge is a weight and an ugly weight. Wisdom is a song, it is weightlessness. It helps you to grow wings. It gives you the whole sky and the freedom to move. What is the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Knowledge comes from others and wisdom comes from your innermost core; it wells up, it is yours. Knowledge is never yours, but knowledge is cheap, easily available. Wisdom is arduous. You have to dig deep into your being. It is like digging a well in the earth. You have to remove many many layers of the earth, many rocks have to be removed; you may need to dynamite them. It is arduous, but if you go on digging with great totality, intensity, perseverance, patience, then one day you will find the waters rising up.
Many people start digging but very few people are patient enough.


Jalaluddin Rumi, one of the most important Sufi mystics who discovered the method of whirling dervishes, the Sufi dance, once took all his disciples to a field. The disciples were a little bit puzzled: why were they being taken to a field? For what? But the master insisted, so they went, and what they saw was something significant. The farmer seemed almost insane person but in a way he was very representative of humanity, of the average human being.


He was digging a hole in the earth and Jalaluddin said to his disciples to go around the field and see. They counted; he had dug almost a dozen holes and nowhere had the water come up. They said to the farmer 'You have destroyed the whole field. And what are you doing? -- are you still digging another hole?'


He said 'I have been digging to find water but when I don't find water in one place then I start digging in another.' And Jalaluddin said to his disciples 'Look at this man. This man is very representative of humanity. If he had keep digging in one place he would have found water long ago, but he goes on changing the places. His patience is very small, his perseverance is not there at all, so he has destroyed the whole field and he will still change. After a few days come again and see what he does.' After a few days they went there and he was digging another hole.


Many times people start to meditate, to pray, to search within, but they want everything so quickly, like instant coffee -- and it cannot be instant coffee. So they drop the whole project and after a few days again they start digging somewhere else. In this way they waste energy, they destroy many many places in their being and after each failure they become more and more depressed and hopeless.


One has to dig in one place with total effort, with absolute commitment. That's what sannyas is. It is a commitment -- categorical commitment, to find the source of wisdom in you whatsoever the cost and howsoever long it takes. But your decision is absolute and you are not going to turn back. Then it does not take long.


The paradox is that the more patient you are, the quicker it happens; the more impatient you are, the longer it takes. And once you have found your inner being, it explodes in thousands of songs -- songs like Solomon's song, songs of love and joy, songs of beauty and benediction.


(Osho adds 'Dhyan' to Hannelore and says that now her name is really international.)


And that's what my sannyasins are supposed to be -- not bounded by any nationality, religion, race, color or creed.


'Dhyan' comes from Sanskrit, one of the most ancient languages. It means meditativeness, a quality of profound silence where mind dissolves just like an iceberg melting into the ocean and becoming one with it. The mind is just like an iceberg: it can melt and become part of our being.


'Hannelore' consists of two words from two languages. 'Hanne' comes from Anna; Anna is Hebrew -- it means prayer, grace, mercy. And the second part, 'lore', comes from Helen; Helen is Greek -- it means light.


So now you really have an international name. One part comes from Sanskrit, the other from Hebrew and the third from Greek. The three most ancient languages of the world and the most cultured, the most refined.


Meditation brings all these qualities naturally. Prayer is an attitude. It means a loving quality, a loving relationship with existence. To be in love with existence is prayer and out of that loving relationship with existence grace arises. A man who is prayerful is bound to be beautiful; and his beauty will not be of this world, it will belong to the beyond, it will be grace. And when there is grace there is compassion, compassion for all those who have not yet arrived -- that is mercy.


And the last part means light. When one is absolutely silent, in meditation, when the mind has dissolved like an iceberg melting and becoming one with the ocean, great light is released; one becomes just light. That is the experience of ultimate truth. But everything depends on meditation. Everything depends on a single phenomenon: how to be absolutely silent so that the mind melts and one becomes a flow of energy.


Mind is an obstruction like a rock. Once it melts there is great joy, a dance, a new kind of drunkenness: one is utterly drunk with joy and yet absolutely aware. This contains the whole message of my sannyas.
			

> [!info]
> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
>