---
section: Library
booktitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am"
booktype: "Diaries"
bookcode: "THUNK"
dategiven: "26 October 1980 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #26"
chaptertitle: "None"
acode: "8010265"
shorttitle: "THUNK26"
audio: "No"
video: "No"
esttime: ""
displaytitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am: Chapter #26"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
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> [!info]
> Note
>
[NOTE: This is an unedited tape transcript of an unpublished darshan diary, which has been scanned and cleaned up. It is for reference purposes only.]


(Dhyan, meditation, is the art of centring, Osho tells the first sannyasin; and the second part of her name, Christine, means a follower of Christ, or, in Osho's terminology, one who has found his centre.)


Ordinarily we are circling on the periphery of our being and we go on in circles; hence life remains a deep frustration. We cannot find any anchor, we cannot find any home. Everything remains a flux, and we cannot rest in this flux.


There is a point within our being which can give us eternal shelter, but it is not on the periphery, it is exactly in the middle of our life. So we have to search for that centre -- that search is meditation.


And Christine means a follower of Christ, but the only way to be a follower of Christ is to find your centre, there is no other way. By reading the Bible one cannot be a Christian. One can pretend, millions are pretending. By reading the Bhagavad Gita others are pretending to be Hindus, by readirg the Koran others are pretending to be Mohammedans. But unless you find your centre you cannot be a Christian, a Hindu or Mohammedan; and the moment you find the centre suddenly you realise the unity of all religions. Then being a follower of Christ or of Buddha or of Mahavira makes no difference at all; it is the same taste, the same flavour, the same fragrance.


One who has found his centre becomes simply religious. His religiousness is no more confined to any religion; he becomes religionlessly religious. That's why my effort is for my sannyasins to be religionlessly religious, neither Christian nor Mohammedans nor Hindus -- simply religious.


And of course when you are in a state of silence you know Christ from your innermost core and Buddha from your very being; Krishna starts playing on his flute. But it is no more something outside of you, it is happenirlg at the innermost shrine of your own existence. Then life is splendour, an ecstasy.


(As Angelica listens to the meaning of her name her hands instinctively move together into the classical prayer position, and remain there, quite still.)


Man can exist in two ways, either through logic or through love. Logic functions in the head and love functions in the heart. Logic can only give you hypotheses, never any conclusion; it remains inconclusive. At the most it can give you some ideas aBOUT truth but not truth itself; and ideas about truth are not truth. Even the blind man can have ideas about light -- there is no problem about having ideas -- but the blind man knows nothing of light. And logic is blind.


The irony is that the head calls love blind. In fact the head is blind, not the heart, because the head is completely closed; not only metaphorically but literally too. It is closed within a skull, completely closed. Yes, there are a few openings -- ears and eyes and nose -- to connect you with existence, otherwise it is completely closed.


The heart means an opening, a vulnerability, an availability. All that is beautiful happens through the heart.


Science happens through the head, technology happens through the head -- but not poetry, not music, not dance. And truth is closer to music, to poetry, to dance, than to technology.


Live through the heart. It is only through the heart that one comes to know the truth. And when you know, you can share it, you can become a messenger of god; everybody has the potential to become a bringer of truth. And unless that is fulfilled one remains in despair because one has missed one's vocation.


The head can give you occupation, business, but not vocation, not something that can make your life meaningful. It can give you comforts, conveniences, but still you will remain empty, empty of all meaning, shallow.


Love gives life. It starts movingyouinto the world of the unknown and the mysterious. Love is true magic, white magic.

(To want bliss is to miss bliss, Osho tells us.)


That's why all the awakened people have been teaching desirelessness, because if bliss is not an achievement you cannot make an ambition of it, you cannot desire it; your desire will become a hindrance. Your very effort to achieve it will cause delay. The way to find it is to be totally desireless, utterly silent, not hankering for it, and in that very moment the miracle happens, when you are not desiring it, it starts showering on you. It is a gift, it is a gift of god. It is within god's pwer to give or not to give; it is not within man's power to get it or not to get it.


Yes, a certain groundwork is needed from man's side to prepare you to receive it. You cannot be aggressive about it. Hence the whole of religion as such depends on receptivity, sensitivity. You have to be open to receive the guest, you have to become the host. One thing is certain, the guest comes; if the host is ready the guest immediately comes.


An ancient Egyptian proverb says that when the disciple is ready the master appears. The same is true about god too because god is the ultimate master. When the disciple is ready the ultimate master too appears.


And John also has a metaphorical meaning. He was one of Jesus' most intimate disciples, so intimate that his name has become a symbol, a symbol of a beloved disciple. His surrender was total. He was not holding anything back, he was totally available to Jesus. That's what disciplehood is.


Sannyas is initiation into disciplehood. Today you are really becoming a John, a beloved disciple. Don't hold yourself back -- because one cannot be a part disciple or a part-time disciple; either one is totally a disciple or one is not at all. It is indivisible. Disciplehood is not possible in fragments, in instalments. Either you are a disciple totally or you are not. One cannot be calculative about it, one cannot be cunning about it.


So be utterly innocent, receptive, available. And the guest will find you, you need not go anywhere.


(Deva Connie means divine vigilance -- and that's just what sannyas is, Osho points out.)


It is the key to the door of the divine. It is a master key. It unlocks all the mysteries.


So go on remembering again and again that your name has to become your discipline. Be watchful of three things: the body -- that means your actions; the mind -- that means your thoughts; and the heart -- that means your feelings. If you are aware of these three you will become aware of the fourth without any effort on your own. For these three you have to make an effort, but the fourth is a gift. Gne who has become aware of these three, of body, mind, heart, of action, thought, feeling, earns the fourth awareness; he becomes aware of his being. And that is the ultimate in joy. One has arrived home, one has found god, truth, nirvana.

(Antje becomes Amrit Sagaro.)


Man is a potential ocean of nectar, but he lives like a dewdrop and a dewdrop not of nectar but of poison. This is unfortunate but it happens to almost everybody for the simple reason that we are brought up as egos. The ego is a dewdrop of poison, and when we become identified with the ego we tend to forget our oceanic being. Then we totally forget that we are immortals, that we were before birth and we will be after death.


The ego gives us a very wrong impression of life. It makes us limited within life, between birth and death, and because of this a thousand and one problems arise. It is because of the ego that man becomes afraid of death. All fears are rooted in that basic fear, the fear of death.


It is because of ego that man becomes incapable of love, because for love you need to drop the ego, and that looks like suicide. It is because of the ego that man becomes like a rock -- hard, violent, aggressive, murderous. The ego is very competitive, jealous, possessive, dominating. And the ego is constantly in a hurry because death is coming close and nothing is finished yet. And wherever there is hurry there is worrry, tension, anxiety. The ego is the whole of our misery, our very hell.


When one becomes a sannyasin one has to learn the language of immortality, of one's oceanicness, of one's eternity. And it is just there; you have to learn the simple art of slipping out of the ego. It is just like a snake slipping out of the old skin: once you know it you start laughing about why it took you so long.


When Bodhidharma -- one of the greatest enlightened persons who has ever walked on the earth -- became enlightened, he laughed for seven days continuously. He could not even sleep! His friends became very much alerted: had he gone crazy? He was looking tremendously beautiful, blissful, but why was he laughing? They would ask him and he would laugh more. It was uncontainable. Finally when he became a little cooled down, came back to his senses -- he had gone beyond his senses -- he explained to his friends, 'I started laughing because for thousands of lives I have been searching for this experience and it was just within me! I looked in every nook and corner of the world, I did everything possible and it needed nothing to be done; I just had to slip within myself.'


All the people who have become enlightened have felt the problem: 'Why do we go on missing?' It is so close by, it is just around the corner, it is always within reach. No special effort is needed.


So here I don't teach great ascetism, standing on your head, doing all sorts of contortions of the body. I simply teach one thing: relax, relax into yourself. And just by relaxing one day it happens. Suddenly one day you find you are out of it. And then a totally different dimension opens up. That dimension can be called god or truth or freedom. These are different names for the same unnameable experience.

(Then Osho speaks further on the nature of the ego.)


Man lives in ego consciousness -- that is his misery. He can live in god consciousness and immediately the doors of heaven open. Hell and heaven are not geographical, they are not outside you; they are just ways of living. If you live as an ego, thinking of yourself as separate from existence you will live in misery. If you live with existence in deep unity, in oneness, in an inseparable love affair, in an organic unity, then you live in god-consciousness -- and that's what heaven is all about. It is very childish of religious people to look for heaven in the sky.


All the old scriptures are full of such nonsense. Hell is somewhere below the earth. In fact, in Indian scriptures hell is exactly below you; if you go on digging you will reach hell, in fact you will reach America -- in a way they are right! But what about Americans? If they go on digging they will reach India. They are also right! And whenever people think of heaven they think of something beyond the clouds. It is all nonsense, these ideas are childish.


I have heard that when the first Russian came back from a journey to the moon Breshnev called him in private and asked him 'Did you see god there?' Just to have fun the astronaut said yes. And Breshnev said 'I always knew that he must be there, but now promise me not to say it to anybody, keep quiet about it; it is against our official philosophy. We have to go on denying it.'


And then the astronaut went around the world, he had many invitations to many receptions and had many prizes to receive. And of course he was received by the Polack pope in the Vatican also. The pope also took him into a private room, closed the door, locked it, and then asked 'Tell me one thing, please: did you meet god there?' And again just to joke the astronaut said 'No, there is no god.' And the pope said 'I always knew it... but please, don't say it to anybody. This is against our official philosophy. Keep quiet. Whatsoever you have seen keep quiet about it, never talk about it to anybody.'


Communist or Catholic, Hindu or Mohammedan, they all think god is there somewhere -- and they will all be disappointed, very much disappointed.


God is within you, it is a state of consciousness, the ultimate state of consciousness. When nothing is unconscious in you, when all darkness has disappeared, when your whole being is full of light, that state is god. It is a state, remember, an experience, remember. It is not an object outside you, it is your subjective feeling. It is more like love.


(You can't have bliss in instalments; Akhilananda means total bliss, Osho tells the next initiate.)


You cannot reach bliss by climbing a ladder step by step; it is a jump. You can only have it whole. That's why very few people ever try for it -- because our minds are trained in a mathematical way. We would first like samples.


This is a very business-like world. People want even samples of god, truth, bliss, only then will they decide whether it is worthwhile or not. And in a way they seem to be logical, but no samples are possible.


You can have god but samples are not possible. You have to risk, you have to go into the unknown. And it is a jump. Even if you want to turn back from the middle you cannot. It is a jump -- you have to go the whole way. Once you have jumped, it is finished: you have to go the whole way. You cannot stop in the middle, you cannot turn back either. That's why very very few people ever try it.


People go on talking about god, praying to god, going to churches, temples -- that is done, it is formal. Only very few, courageous people have ever tried to take the risk. It really needs guts.


And this is very fundamental for my sannyasins to understand, that courage is the greatest religious quality. Your so-called religions are based in fear, not in courage, in cowardice not in courage. Hence we have expressions like god-fearing. We call religious people god-fearing. That is sheer nonsense. God-loving maybe, but, not god-fearing. And in all the languages of the world we have such expressions.


They show one thing, that all the religions that exist on the earth, particularly the organised religions, exploit fear, they make you afraid. And in fact fear is the most anti-religious value.


The afraid person can pray, will be a victim to the priest, available to their exploitation but he can never know god, bliss, truth. That journey is not for him, that pilgrimage is not for him -- it is only for the courageous. It is a quantum leap. It is jumping from the ego into nothingness. But the moment you reach nothingness the nothingness turns into bliss. It looks like nothingness from the standpoint of the ego but when you really reach it, it is pure bliss, it is total bliss. That is the meaning of your name, Akhilananda: total bliss, absolute bliss.

(And bliss is actually another word for god, Osho tells the next sannyasin.)


And it is more relevant than 'god' because the word 'god' falls flat, it does not ring any bells in the heart for the simple reason that it has become associated with the wrong people -- with the popes, with the imams, with the shankaracharyas, Ayatollah Khomaniacs. All kinds of mad people, all kinds of stupid people, have destroyed the beauty of the word 'god'.


Moreover 'god' has no connection with ordinary humanity. It has a meaning when one becomes a Buddha, otherwise it is meaningless. But bliss is not meaningless. Wherever you are, bliss has significance because everybody is searching for bliss; even the atheist who denies god is searching for bliss. Sometimes atheists come to me and they want to be sannyasins and they ask me 'Can we be sannyasins -- because we don't believe in god?' I say that is not the point at all, god or no god. If you are a seeker for bliss that's enough. And I have never come across a single individual wno is not searching for bliss. That is a natural, instinctive longing.


When you have found bliss you suddenly realise that this is what god is all about. But that is at the very end of the journey; in the beginning it is better to start with bliss, it is natural, simple, meaningful. And when it comes to the climax, then you will know it is god and nothing else. You were searching god in the name of bliss but that is only a latter recollection.


So begin with bliss and end with god -- this is the whole journey of sannyas. And this is your name, Anand Bhagwat. Begin with Anand -- bliss, and end with god -- Bhagwat.

(The music of silence is the meaning of Sangit Shunyam.)


Ordinarily we are acquainted with the music of sound, but there is also a music which is soundless. There is music but there is no sound. That's the ultimate music.


The Taoists in China for centuries have emphasized the fact that when the musician is perfect he throws away his instruments. Why? -- because those instruments were creating only sound, and when the musician is perfect he starts experiencing the music of soundlessness. Why should he carry his guitar, his sitar, his veena, his flute? He can be freed from all instruments, he can just live in the purity of silence, he can enjoy the soundless sound. Or they say that when the archer is perfect he breaks his bow; there is no need to keep it.


These are very strange statements, but mystics are known to make strange statements. Only they can make them, only they have the guts to make strange statements, but in a subtle way they are telling the truth. Truth can be told only in a paradoxical way; you cannot make it logical. It has to be illogical because it is far bigger than logic, far more comprehensive than logic, far wider than logic. Logic is a very small phenomenon, tunnel-like, linear, one-dimensional. Truth is multi-dimensional.


And this is the experience of deep meditation: when all sound stops, when only your being is there, pulsating without any sound -- even the heartbeat is soundless -- only then are you totally in tune with existence. That is attunement or at-onement. Suddenly you are bridged, bridged with reality. All separation disappears, evaporates. You are part of this beautiful existence. Then  you can dance with the trees, with the wind, with the rain, with the sun. You have become a member of the universe.


Ordinarily people are living as outsiders, not as members of the universe. Unless the ego disappears some noise will continue. Ego makes much noise, it is very noisy, and that noise disturbs your inner music, your inner dance.
Your name is the very essence of meditation: the music of silence.
			

> [!info]
> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
>