---
section: Library
booktitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am"
booktype: "Diaries"
bookcode: "THUNK"
dategiven: "02 October 1980 pm"
place: " in Chuang Tzu Auditorium"
chapternum: "Chapter #2"
chaptertitle: "None"
acode: "8010025"
shorttitle: "THUNK02"
audio: "No"
video: "No"
esttime: ""
displaytitle: "I Am Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am: Chapter #2"
---

```style
.sutra {
  font-style: italic;
  white-space: pre-wrap !important;
}
```
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> [!info]
> Note
>
[NOTE: This is an unedited tape transcript of an unpublished darshan diary, which has been scanned and cleaned up. It is for reference purposes only.]


(Her name means consecrated to god, Osho tells a social worker from Italy. And he adds the word 'anand' -- which means bliss -- to it.)


One can live one's life in two ways. One is that of fighting against the whole; it is the way of the ego. The other is surrendering to the whole; that is the way of love. And bliss happens only on the second path. The first path is full of misery, frustration, failure. It is bound to be so because the part cannot win against the whole. It is utterly stupid for a wave to fight the ocean, it is doomed to fail. Maybe for a few moments it can enjoy the idea -- and that's what happens to every man: we waste our life in enjoying the idea that we are separate from existence. Then life is tragic.


To be a sannyasin means to choose the other way, the way of love, surrender, let-go. One does not fight the river, one simply goes with it; one becomes more and more natural. And when there is no fight there is no tension, and when there is no fight there is no question of failure. One's victory is absolutely certain. Without fighting a battle one is victorious -- that is the miracle of love.


Isabella means surrendered to god. And bliss is the flowering of that surrender.


(Goldie means golden -- and that's just what love is, Osho begins in his address to the next for sannyas.)


Because gold is the most precious metal it represents the most precious treasure in you. It is only through love that one's life is transformed, transported from the dark valleys to the golden peaks, the sunlit golden peaks.


Without love a man lives in darkness, without love a man really does not live but only dies slowly, gradually. It is only through love that one becomes aware of what life is all about. It is a communion, it is a meeting and merging with the whole. Love gives you a glimpse of the merger.


And love has many planes -- of course, the first is biological love, between mother and child, lover and beloved, brother and sister. These are biological aspects of love; it is the lowest kind. A little higher is the love between friends. It is higher because it is more subtle; it has no biological strings attached to it. And there is some consciousness, some awareness, some choice in it.


When you love your mother there is no question of choice. You happen to be the child of a certain woman. If it were somebody else you would have loved that person. It is accidental that a certain woman is your mother, that a certain man is your father, that a certain person is your brother or sister. It is just accidental; there is no choice in it.


Even when a lover falls in love with a woman, of course it appears there is some choice; then too there is no choice. It is instinctive. You suddenly feel a deep longing for a certain person for no reason at all. You cannot explain why it is so; it is unconscious. It simply happens. You can only shrug your shoulders -- there is no explanation.


If it is a conscious choice then there is an explanation, then you can say why. With friendship a little awareness, consciousness, and choice enters. It is not a question of biology, of instinct, at all.


Friendship is more explainable. When you love a person biologically as a wife, as a husband, there is possessiveness, jealousy, domination. You would like to possess the whole person, you would not like to share the person with anybody; you will be afraid. You can have many friends, but you cannot have many women, you cannot have many men as lovers, otherwise you will be in a continuous misery, there will be constant turmoil and chaos because all their egos will come into conflict. But you can have many friends. That's the beauty of friendship -- it is less possessive, it is less egoistic. You don't want to possess the person; he can have other friends. In fact if he has many friends you will find him more friendly towards you. A person who has no friend other than you will not be very friendly, because he will not have any experience of friendship.


The same is true about love too: in a better world, when man has become a little more mature, he will start sharing love too, just like friendship. But that needs a more mature humanity. A woman who can love many men will have an enriched quality of love, and the man who can love many women, of course, he learns from each love. And no two persons are alike. Each person gives a new aspect of love, a new vision, a totally new experience which cannot be possible with anybody else.


So the more you love, the more dimensions your loving quality starts having. If you love a poet certainly his love will be different than the love of a mathematician. If you love a musician his love will be different than the love of a dancer. If you love a painter his love is going to be different than the love of a sculptor. Their attitudes, their approaches, are different. They will love you for different reasons -- and naturally when a person loves you for different reasons that aspect of your life surfaces.


For example, a sculptor may love you because of the proportion of your body. The painter may love you because of the colour of your face, the colour of your hair, the colour of your eyes, becase his approach towards life is that of colour. A musician may love you because of your voice, your sound. That will not be taken into account by the painter at all, but to the musician, to his attuned ear, the most lovely thing is the voice. And when a person loves you because of your voice, your voice will become beautiful because his attention will be pouring on that particular aspect of your life.


In a better world we will change biology into something higher; we will make love affairs also affairs of friendship. And that's my effort in this commune -- that love also should be raised a little higher. It should go a little beyond the instinctive; it should start having some aesthetics about it. It should become more compassionate, less jealous. It should allow freedom.


A love that does not allow freedom is not much of a love. It is just an ego number and sooner or later that ego is going to destroy the whole thing. It is poison, pure poison. It simply kills, it is never creative.


Friendship is a little higher. Prayer is even higher, because in prayer the other is no more thought as a person but as a divine manifestation. He is no more thought of as a body or as a mind. The first love, the biological, thinks of the other as a body. The second love, friendship, thinks of the other as a psychology -- the other is a mind. And the third love, prayer, thinks of the other as divine, godliness. Now all limitations disappear, then the whole existence is a divine manifestation. And that is the state which can be called golden, goldie.


(There is a song that is wordless, tuneless and singerless. Its name is meditation, Osho tells Dhyangit.)


Meditation means no-thought, no-mind, no words. They have all been left behind; one has come to an immense, infinite silence. But that silence is not dead, it is a singing silence. It is throbbing, pulsating with life. It has a dancing quality to it.


You cannot see the dance, you can only feel it. You cannot hear the song but it reverberates in your whole being. Your every cell becomes bathed in it.


It is a tremendous experience of beauty, of bliss -- but it is inexpressible. It is so vast that no word can contain it. The thing that comes closest to it is music, but that too just expresses it approximately, not exactly. Obviously music is also sound -- it is very harmonious sound, but the sound is there. In meditation there is no sound, it is soundlessness. Everything has stopped, no movement, one has come to a complete halt. But the experience can only be described as a song, as a tremendous harmony. All these words fall short but these are the only words that give little bit of help. They are only fingers pointing to the moon. They are not the moon themselves, just fingers pointing to the moon.


But I emphasise its dancing quality for a certain reason -- because many meditators have become dead; they have tried to silence the mind. And if you persist you can silence the mind. You can repress it and there will be a certain kind of silence, but that will be the silence of a cemetery: forced, violently forced. Something has been crushed, something has been killed. a beautiful experience. That's why so many of your so-called saints look so sad, so serious. They have lost laughter, they have lost love, they have lost life. They themselves have committed the crime, they themselves have committed suicide. They are sincere people but a little bit foolish too. They missed the point.


They followed it literally but they did not understand the symbolic message, Meditation is silence, not an enforced silence but a silence that comes out of deep understanding, not repression. And then the quality is totally different. When silence comes out of understanding it is a singing silence, a dancing silence, and your life immediately bursts into creativity.


Everybody is carrying a song in their hearts which has to be sung, whatsoever it is. One cannot know it beforehand, one knows it only when one goes understandingly into meditation. With awareness, when one reaches to one's core, one finds that there is something which has to be shared. It may be painting, it may be dancing, it may be cooking -- it may be anything. It does not matter what it is, but one always discovers that there is something which one has to share. One has to create, one has to participate in existence through it.


To me that is true prayer. That is true worship -- when you participate in existence by creating something. God is the creator; then the only way to commune with him is to be a creator in your own way, in a small way of course. But you have to do something creative.


And this creativity should not be thought up by the mind, otherwise it won't be true to your innermost core. It has to be discovered in meditation. Everybody has to discover their song. And the moment you have discovered it your life becomes a blessing -- not only to you, it becomes a blessing to others too.


And that's how a sannyasin has to live: in a dance, in a trance, sharing whatsoever he has with no miserliness, with no possessiveness. Just pouring oneself whole-heartedly into existence.


And that is the only offering that is accepted by god. All other offerings in the churches, in the temples, in the mosques are pseudo.


('God' was once a beautiful word, but it has become polluted by the priests. He prefers the name truth, Osho says to Satyash. And then he explains why.)


'God' has taken on a wrong colour, a wrong association. It reminds you of rotten religions, of superstitions, dogmatic creeds. It reminds you of the whole ugly history of religions, of massacre, murder, violence against each other. It stinks of many inhuman things.


People have been burned alive by Christians, by Mohammedans, by Hindus. The religions in the past have proved not a blessing but a curse. Jesus is beautiful but Christianity is ugly; Krishna is beautiful but Hinduism is ugly; Buddha is beautiful but Buddhists are just his enemies -- they go on doing things that he was against.


It is better to call god truth because then different ideas arise in your mind. It does not remind you of religions and the chaos that they have created in the world. It reminds you more of a scientific approach, it reminds you more of enquiry than of worship. It reminds you more of going into a deep exploration rather than following a certain creed.


The word 'truth' is very inviting for those who have courage to explore, for those who are ready to go into the unknown and the unknowable. It is not for the cowards, it is only for the courageous. The cowards worship and the courageous enquire. The cowards believe, the courageous discover. The cowards cling to others' ideas and the courageous insist, 'Unless I know, all knowledge is worthless. Unless I know... knowledge is just a cover-up to hide one's ignorance.


My sannyasins are not to be believers. They have to be explorers of the unknown, adventurers. Whatsoever the risk, whatsoever the danger -- it has to be accepted. The challenge has to be accepted because it is only through challenge that one matures, ripens. It is only through challenge that a certain integrity happens to you. The greater the challenge, the greater the soul, the greater the birth of a new being in you.


(We've all tasted of pleasure and of happiness, so we think we know what bliss is. But it's incomparable. Osho gives Stefan the name Anand Apurvo to remind him of the unique quality of bliss.)


All that we know about pleasure and happiness is of no help in making us understand what bliss is, because the difference between pleasure and happiness is only of quantity but the difference between pleasure, happiness, and bliss is of quality. It is entering into a totally new unknown dimension.


So when we talk about bliss we naturally understand it in terms of pleasure. That is the lowest -- physiological, biological. Or at the most we think of happiness -- psychological. But neither pleasure nor happiness can give you any idea of bliss.


Once a blind man was brought to Buddha and he was a very great philosopher of immense logical acumen. The whole of his village had become exhausted and tired because nobody could convince him that light exists; he would refute everybody. And the problem for the villagers was that they know that light existed but they were incapable of convincing the blind philosopher. On the contrary he used to convince them that light does not exist and his fundamental argument was. 'I am ready, bring the light to me so I can touch and feel it just the way I feel things. Or if you say that it is not like a thing, then let me taste it; it must have some taste. If it has no taste it must have some smell. Even if that is not possible then you can do something so that some sound arises out of it. You can beat it like a drum so I can hear it.


'These are the four possibilities: touching, tasting, smelling, hearing; there is no other! And I am ready -- convince me.'


Now, you cannot touch light, you cannot taste light, you cannot smell light, you cannot hear light. So when they heard that Buddha was coming to their village they were very happy. They brought the blind man to Buddha and they said 'Only you can convince this fool. We are tired of him. He convinces us that there is no light, and he is really convincing. We are absolutely impotent, incapable of convincing him, although we know light exists and he does not know, he has no eyes. But how to convince him? He says on the contrary "Just to prove me blind you have invented this idea of light -- and you are all blind!"'


Buddha looked at the blind man, he heard all his arguments and he said that the villagers were wrong: 'The blind man is right because in his blindness what else can he do? He is absolutely available to being convinced by you but he has only got four senses. That is not his fault. The fault is yours. The very idea of trying to convince him is basically wrong. You should not have brought him to me. It is better you take him to a physician.' And Buddha suggested 'Take him to my personal physician; he is the best in the country.' Jivaka was the name of the physician. He was given to Buddha by a great emperor as a gift and the physician used to follow Buddha wherever he would go. So he said 'The physician is here. Take him to the physician and let him be treated -- it is not a question of arguing.'


The blind man was treated and within six months he started seeing. He came to Buddha with tears in his eyes, fell at his feet and said 'If you had not been there I would have died a blind man with the idea that there is no light, and all these people of my village are just fools: they themselves are hypnotised by the idea and they are trying to hypnotise me. I thought that I was clever but I was a fool.


And it is good that you did not try to convince me, because then I would have argued. And now I know that nobody would have been able to persuade me. Now I know that I cannot convince a blind man because it is not a question of arguing, it is a question of seeing. It is a totally different sense which was lacking in me.'


The same is true about bliss: it is not pleasure, it is not happiness, it is totally different. It is so unique that nothing in your experience can help you to understand it.


So one has to go in search of bliss with an absolutely empty mind, with no idea of what it is exactly. If you go with the idea of pleasure you will miss the point, if you go with the idea of happiness you will miss the point.


And that's what meditation does: it makes you utterly empty, empty of all your experiences and ideas, just a pure nothingness. And only in that nothingness do you start experiencing for the first time something new of which you would not even have dreamt. It is so unique, it is so incomparable. No other experience can give you any hint of it, not even a small indication. One has to look for it without any a priori idea, without any prejudice, without any conception.


And that's my whole work here: to dismantle all your ideas, to remove all the junk from the mind so you become absolutely empty. Emptiness is so pure, so innocent, so clear and transparent, that nothing can be hidden from it. It opens your inner eye, your inner vision. It gives you a new sensibility, a new sense, and suddenly a new world opens up. It was always there but you were closed to it because a certain sense in you was not functioning.


Metaphorically we have called that sense the third eye. It is a metaphor. It is not that there is a third eye, actually, literally, but a new kind of seeing, a new kind of perceptibility opens up and then the world is just pure bliss. It is ecstasy and nothing else.

(He calls her true love -- Lore from Germany.)


What is ordinarily known as love is always something other than love. It masquerades as love, it pretends to be love but it is not so, because if it were love then the world would be full of love, because everybody is loving. The mother, the father, the brother, the sister, the husband, the wife, everybody is loving. Each person is being loved by many people. Each person is being poured on with love from many sides. Each person would be a reservoir of love, so much love is given, and each person would be ecstatic. But that is not the case. Everybody looks so miserable, so utterly in gloom, so sad, that there is no need to think of hell somewhere else; it seems it is on earth.


Why are people living in such hell? If there is so much love this place should be a paradise. It is not so. The world is not yet a paradise. That's why we have been inventing a paradise somewhere far away: it is simply a longing, a wishfulfilment.


All the cultures, all the societies of the world, think of heaven as being somewhere above, far above, never here and now, for the simple reason that there is nothing here and now to prove it so we have to postpone it until after death. And nobody comes back from the dead to say anything. Once a person is dead he does not come to visit us and tell us where he is, so it is easy to postpone it beyond death, above the clouds, far above the clouds.


It is just a trick, a strategy, so that we can tolerate our hell in the hope that it will end soon, it is not going to last forever -- just a seventy eighty-year life; nothing to be worried about. In the eternal existence what is seventy years, eighty years or even a hundred years? -- nothing. Just a dewdrop in the ocean of eternity. So it is bound to pass, there is no need to be worried about it. And sooner or later paradise will open up with all its joys and blessings, with the celestial music and angels dancing all around you.


These are just dreams; they are religious dreams, but dreams are dreams. And dreams prove only one thing, that something is missing in our life. We are aware that something is missing and we have to invent some idea to console us.


Love has not existed on the earth. Hatred has existed. There are immense proofs of it. The whole history is a proof of human insanity but it is not a proof of human love. Love exists only in poetry -- a wishfulfilment.


My effort is that love should be a reality in your life, not just a poem, not just a dream. It has to be actualised. And the first step in actualising love is to know that whatsoever we have thought of as love up to now is not so; this is the first step and of great importance. No other step is going to be of that much importance. The first step is always the most important step, because if you go on believing that this is love then there is no way to find true love. The moment you become aware that this is not true love because this is not giving us any bliss... Bliss is the criterion and this so-called love gives you only jealousy, gives you all kinds of pains, agony, but no ecstasy. At the most it is some type of consolation on the physical plane -- which is not much, it is very momentary; a little cosiness, a little warmth in the cold world, but it is not much.


Life has to reach something higher, has to attain to something higher. Life has the potential to reach to the peaks and we are crawling in the valleys. Yes, once in a while a ray of light comes, but we should not be satisfied with it.


I call it divine discontentment. We should not be satisfied with the so-called ordinary life. We should become discontented with this, only then is there a possibility of enquiring, of searching, of discovering that which is true.


Contentment is possible but the beginning has to be discontentment. One should not remain satisfied with the so-called world that has been given to us. And the beginning is to be courageous enough to see things as they are.


Our love is not true love, our knowledge is not true knowledge, our personality is not our individuality. It is not authentic, it is pseudo, it is a mask. It is not our original face. And we have to withdraw all that is inauthentic. We have to destroy all that is false and pseudo -- mercilessly, only then will we be able to discover our true being. And with that discovery many things are automatically discovered. The moment you discover your true being, your unique individuality, suddenly many things become available to you: true love, true knowing. No problem arises. Once you have discovered who you are, whatsoever you do has a truth about it, has a sincerity about it, has some authenticity about it.


Meditation is the key to discover your true being and through it to discover true love, true wisdom, the true god, otherwise people are worshipping only invented gods.


All the idols of the gods in the temples are anthropocentric; man has invented them according to himself. That's why the Chinese statue of god looks like a Chinese man and the Indian statue of god looks like an Indian man: these are just projections. And all our theories about god are just tricks to hide our ignorance.


My sannyasins have to uncover their ignorance. It hurts but that's how one can start moving towards the healing of the wound. If you keep it covered it will never heal. It has to be open to the sun, to the moon, to the wind, to the rain, to existence as such, then it heals.


A sannyasin is one who has attained spiritual health. Then his love is true, his seeing is true. Then whatsoever he does has a grace. And then he lives in freedom, absolute freedom, because now he knows that even death cannot destroy him, so there is no fear. When there is no fear then there is freedom.
			

> [!info]
> Copyright 1964-1990 Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)
>